Friday, December 2, 2011

Free: 12 empty beer bottles and 1 beer can

Free box of 12 assorted beer bottles and one beer can. None of them are mine and I don't intend on keeping them - to me they're about as useful as a fistfull of assholes. I suspect that each one was abandoned on my property by their owners within the last 3 months. I discovered them hiding under my hedge while raking my yard a few weeks ago. All of the bottles are in prime condition with their labels intact (no one used the labels as "free sex" coupons...). I have personally inspected for defects, removed all beer remnants, cigarette butts/lemon pieces, washed, buffed and polished each one of them carefully. I have to be honest and mention that the beer can was a victim of misfortune and was "slightly" dented by my rake - this was an unfortunate accident. In my opinion it's a superficial blemish and I'm fairly certain with a little bit of love and old fashioned elbow grease it can be buffed out. But if you're an aluminum can connoisseur perhaps this lot is not for you. See image below after the description

Item: Lot of 12 beer bottles and 1 beer can
Brand: Assorted - molson canadian (bottle and can), labatt 50, baltika, steam whistle, griffon rousse, mike's hard lemonade, boreale blonde, tank house ale, innis & gunn, moosehead, michelob, and muskoka
341 mL. The can is 710 ml
Flavors: I assume an assorted variety of malt, hops, yeast, maize, wheat, rice, rye, and oat
State: Empty
Age: Who knows
Price: Free! All you need to do is pick them up before trash day.

Ordinarily I would just put them out for recycling but lately my elderly next door neighbor has taken to fucking with any trash I put on the curb. Mind you this behavior is not due to a penchant for garbage picking/recycling - she does it cause she's crazier than a shit house rat. True story! The other day I saw her picking leaves out of my front hedge. She even ate a few! Anyways the bottles are all in an empty cardboard box on my front gallery. The box is labeled "puppies"but just to let you know there are only bottles inside so don't be disappointed when you open the box and a puppy doesn't jump out and lick your face. If no one picks them up by next tuesday I'll risk putting them on the curb. Maybe I can bring them to a shelter?

Frank Breaker

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