Free: Several sand wasps nests - sand wasps included

This summer I discovered the sandbox at my work was infested with sand wasps (known as bembix speciosis to the nerds out there). My mom still doesn't believe me - her reasoning? "Bees don't live underground". What kind of BS argument is that? They're not bees Ma! I even had to resort to bringing in a specialist (i.e exterminator) to break it down but the idiot still wouldn't listen. Fuck it I figured I was on my own at that point. The exterminator told me the first step to try was pouring soapy water on the sand. So thats what I did - I spent about 2 hours drowning the bastards in gallons of that shit which took care of the problem for approx. 2 months. In late september the assholes came back. Apparently the next step is to dig up the nests and haul them away. Fuck that noise! I'm not digging shit. So I've decided to give the nests away to anyone out in the internets who is interested. I need these bastards out of here pronto before the ground freezes! I don't want to deal with it again next year. Right now they're all down in the ground sleeping off the summer but if you plant them in your yard next summer you can train them to make honey for you. Mmm Mmm! Goddamn doesn't that sound good?

Item: Lot of several sand wasp nests
Brand: Bembix speciosis (black and white with bright green eyes)
Size: Various
Flavors: Waspy
Age: Who knows
Price: Free! All you need to do is pick them up before the ground freezes

I have a few stipulations for this lot

1) You must also take the sand
2) I will not help dig, load or deliver shit
3) I have no clue how many sand wasps there are in each nest - you get what you get. No guarantees

Free: 12 empty beer bottles and 1 beer can

Free box of 12 assorted beer bottles and one beer can. None of them are mine and I don't intend on keeping them - to me they're about as useful as a fistfull of assholes. I suspect that each one was abandoned on my property by their owners within the last 3 months. I discovered them hiding under my hedge while raking my yard a few weeks ago. All of the bottles are in prime condition with their labels intact (no one used the labels as "free sex" coupons...). I have personally inspected for defects, removed all beer remnants, cigarette butts/lemon pieces, washed, buffed and polished each one of them carefully. I have to be honest and mention that the beer can was a victim of misfortune and was "slightly" dented by my rake - this was an unfortunate accident. In my opinion it's a superficial blemish and I'm fairly certain with a little bit of love and old fashioned elbow grease it can be buffed out. But if you're an aluminum can connoisseur perhaps this lot is not for you. See image below after the description

Item: Lot of 12 beer bottles and 1 beer can
Brand: Assorted - molson canadian (bottle and can), labatt 50, baltika, steam whistle, griffon rousse, mike's hard lemonade, boreale blonde, tank house ale, innis & gunn, moosehead, michelob, and muskoka
Size: 341 mL. The can is 710 ml
Flavors: I assume an assorted variety of malt, hops, yeast, maize, wheat, rice, rye, and oat
State: Empty
Age: Who knows
Price: Free! All you need to do is pick them up before trash day.



Ordinarily I would just put them out for recycling but lately my elderly next door neighbor has taken to fucking with any trash I put on the curb. Mind you this behavior is not due to a penchant for garbage picking/recycling - she does it cause she's crazier than a shit house rat. True story! The other day I saw her picking leaves out of my front hedge. She even ate a few! Anyways the bottles are all in an empty cardboard box on my front gallery. The box is labeled "puppies"but just to let you know there are only bottles inside so don't be disappointed when you open the box and a puppy doesn't jump out and lick your face. If no one picks them up by next tuesday I'll risk putting them on the curb. Maybe I can bring them to a shelter?

Frank Breaker

Free Condoms

I forgot I also have 163 unused condoms to give away as well. In cegep I used to steal them like mad from the nurses office at school thinking that I'd end up becoming a bigger mack/whore than I am. Now they just remind me of my past sexual failures. Anyways they are mostly lifestyles brand so you know that they are of fine quality (durex and trojan are garbage they always break). The one snag is that they are expired. Don't plan on using these rubbers to prevent pregnancies or stds because you'll 100% either end up with child or catching aids. Or both. Seriously I cannot stress this enough! So now you're wondering what can you do with 163 unused expired prophylactics? Here's a list of fun and practical applications that I have compiled:

Balloons: Rubbers can be used as balloons - just make sure there's no semen inside. You can blow them up manually or use a helium tank.
Balloon animals: Just don't give them to any children unless you want to be taken downtown for questioning/jail time.
Water balloons: A condom can hold excess of 4 litres of of water. That's a water balloon atom bomb!
Prank your roommate: Wait till he gets really smashed and passes out. Fill the condom 1/6 with shaving cream and place the condom on his face. Or put it in his shoe.
Prank your parents: Put one over the shower head. Its like an automatic water balloon - it'll fill up with water and by the time they realize what's happening it's too late.
Prank the tax man: Put them in with your tax return.
Flotation device: Make water wings for non swimmers.
Swim faster: Put them on your hands feet like flippers when you go swimming. Put one on your head like a bathing cap to go even faster.
Protect yourself from germs: Put one over a payphone receiver to avoid touching it to your ear.
Hair tie: Nuff said.
Belt broke? Use them as makeshift suspenders.
Paint them and use them as umbrella covers.
Wet suit for a rodent or ferret.
Portable urinal: Ever feel the need to pee on a long drive but you dont want to pull over? Just pee in the condom while you drive, tie it off and throw it out the window.
Sock covers when it's wet outside.
Fill them with rocks and use them as nunchaku in a fight.
Makeshift sandbags in the event of a flood.
Change purse.

The list goes on and on... There are even a bunch of magnums in the mix from when I was trying to impress a nurse's aid at dawson. She may have been disappointed the next day but I didn't care cause I stole $20.00 and her morning gazette from her apartment on my way out. Anyways the magnums are part of the lot too. Invite a few friends over and leave one on the coffee table to provoke questions about the size of your manhood.

This dude even used a condom to make fire

Anyways if you want them let me know. I'll wrap them up in a magnum for you, seal it, mark it and leave the package on my front gallery.

Frank Breaker

Free: punk ass freezie flavors

Last night I was going through my deep freeze looking for something to eat for supper when I came across a bunch of forgotten freezies at the bottom. I need to get rid of them asap - they are taking up precious real estate in my freezer. I don't want to be wasteful by simply throwing them out... they're in great shape but they're the punkass flavors I don't like. Anyone interested? Hopefully someone contacts me and takes them off my hands... I'm also putting them up on craig's list. See image below after the description

Item: Lot of 16 freezies *Edit: as of this afternoon there are 14 (my sister and her friend ate 2)
Brand: Kisco Mr. Freeze
Size: Jumbo
Flavors: Orange (12) and purple (4) *Edit: there are 2 purple left (see above for explanation)
State: frozen and in great shape (still sealed)
Age: Approximately between 1 and 2 years. I never eat the orange or purple freezies so whenever I buy a new box those flavors just sit in my freezer.
Price: Free! All you need to do is pick them up. I'm also willing to trade for white, blue or red... Please let me know if you want them frozen or defrosted.



Crappy mr. freeze flavors
Source(s): My tastebuds.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask!

Frank Breaker