Ask Frank

Hey Frank - Why are people against gay marriage? 
Natasha

Dear Natasha
I have no idea why this is such an issue. For real what's wrong with a gay man marrying a gay woman?

Hey Frank - How do I get my 30 year old son to move out of my house?
Susan

Dear Susan
Raise him better.

Hey Frank - Why does my boyfriend always refer to my breasts and vagina as my lady bits?
Kim

Dear Kim
Because he's obviously 11.

Hey Frank - I saw a baby with glasses the other day. How can a parent tell their baby needs glasses?
Joe

Dear Joe
This is a tough one since babies can't read...
Maybe they squint when looking at picture books?

Hey Frank - Can you boil a sex toy?
Sonia

Dear Sonia
Please tell me you're not making a dildo soup...

Hey Frank - In the shower have you ever stretched your arm out at an angle where the water cascades off your hand like its shooting out of your fingers?
Bob

Dear Bob
Yes. I do this all the time - its like a super power but it would only be useful if the people you are fighting were much shorter than you and their weakness was getting wet.


Hey Frank - What's a good name for a porno in the 1700s?
Charlie

Dear Charlie
A midsummer night's cream. 
Or the backdoor adventures of Scurvy McTavish

Hey Frank -Why is Wesley snipes so black? He is the blackest black person I've ever seen. PS I don't mean any offence to any of the blacks...
Donald

Dear Donald
Wesley snipes is so black because he was born on the sun. He's so black the "free evenings" portion of his free evenings and weekends cell phone plan is always activated. 

Also his blood type is burnt.

Hey Frank - Who is this pee diddy I keep hearing about and why is he named after a bodily function?
Alex

Dear Alex
Hes really named Pete Diddy. People misheard him and now he goes by the name Pee Diddy but believe me he's sad... I would be sad too if I was named after urine.

Dear Frank - Is it wrong for me to go after and want to sleep with midgets? I mean Lil people? Its not like preying on the mentally challenged is it?
DeMarcus

Dear DeMarcus

No it is not wrong to want to sex a midget. Its even better to "crease" one! Since the ass and thighs are the largest muscle areas on the female body midgets with their compact frames have no where else to keep the fat than on their asses and thighs henceforth creating all kinds of nooks and crannies to rest your dick in. If they stored fat anywhere else on their bodies they wouldn't be able to stay up right.

Frank Breaker

New segment - You might be ghetto:

New segment on the vag!

You might be ghetto:

If you use dishsoap as shampoo

If you change the letter s in some words to z's

If the batteries on your remote are held in with tape

If you have more than 3 uses for cocoa butter

If your skin looks like you work in a bakery (ashy as shit)

If you still wear drakkar noire

If you wear your sleep cap outside

If you put on panty hose instead of shaving your legs

If you add water to anything to "stretch it" (make it last longer) like ketchup/mustard, shampoo, dishsoap, etc)

If you pick your teeth with anything other than a toothpick or floss (business cards, string, etc)

If you clean your ears with anything other than a Q tip or cloth (bobby pin, key, etc)

If you like to get you hair and/or nails "did".

If you go to the barber shop and come out with a fresh cut, a new tracksuit and a bootleg movie

If you think tupac is still alive

If you're constantly late for no reason

If you refer to shrimp as "shrimps"

If you say "pissgettis" instead of spaghetti

If you wear colored contacts

If you point at things with your lips

If you pee in the shower

If you don't own oven mitts and use a towel instead

If you use kleenex instead of toilet paper

If you don't know the difference between your and you're

If you wear your sleep cap during sex

If you know your watch doesn't work yet you still wear it

If you have misspelled your child's name in the past

If you bring your own snacks to the movies

If you get distracted by shiny things

If you use dishsoap as bubble bath

If you think elvis is still alive

If your chicken/beef/pork bone has no more meat yet you still continue to suck/chew it

If your butter/margarine container has crumbs in it

If you use bed sheets as curtains

If you think people believe you grew a 12 inches of hair overnight

If your idea of washing your car is leaving it out in the rain

If you use ketchup on anything else other than fries/onion rings/burgers/hot dogs

If you lose 1 hubcap but still keep the remaining 3 on your car

If you have a cracked windshield that you don't plan on fixing

If the bottoms of your feet looks like you've been dancing in flour

If your cell phone is so old that a calculator gets a stronger signal

To be continued...

Frank Breaker