Wednesday, May 18, 2011

There's a Fraud Frank Breaker in NDG!

So it seems there's a Frank Breaker look a like somewhere in my neighborhood. This impostor has been seen by a few people I know at different locations in NDG (cosmo's, metro on somerled, bofingers, etc...). Maybe it's just that John Smith pharmacist from the West Island? If it's someone else I wonder how much of a resemblance the dude bears to me? If he can pass as my twin maybe I can hire him to do all of the shit that's beneath my station that I don't want to do? I think I'm prepared to pay $10.00 per task plus expenses but there's room for some negotiation...

-he can renew my drivers license/medicare cards.
-he can stand in for me in family photographs and at certain family functions.
-he'll visit my mom.
-he can try on clothes for me in stores.
-he can perform surprise inspections on my staff.
-we can make it look like I'm putting in tons of overtime at work.
-he can hang out with friends I don't like that I've been avoiding (i.e Ian, Stephan, etc).
-he'll be a decoy for my enemies.
-I'd pretty much double my wardrobe size because he would trade clothes and shoes with me all the time.
-he'd let me know if there’s something in my teeth.
-we can re create the Matrix "deja vu" scene with the cats but instead of cats it'll be us.
-we could earn extra cash doing one of those doublemint commercials.
-I could harvest his body for any organs I might need in the future (of course I won't tell him about this possibility).
-at halloween we can cut a second neck hole in a large shirt, slip it on and pretend to be siamese twins. Better yet we can dress up as the wonder twins! Since it's my idea I of course would be the male twin. My doppelganger can dress in drag as the chick. Or even better we can dress up as those albino twins from the matrix!!!! Yes! Except we'll be black.
-we can develop twin ESP.
-we can participate in studies for cash in the twin research department.
-we can tricks people all kinds.
-we could go into comedy and perform bits like the sklar brothers who use "a tag team delivery in which one talks over the end of the other's sentence, completing, adding to or reaffirming his comment (much like the raps of The Beastie Boys)".
-I can take out loans in his name ruining his credit (again I won't tell him about this possibility).
-if I ever commit murder or any other crime that sucker is going straight to jail (once again mums the word).
-when I get tired of having a twin I can simply fire him and tell him to go home.

This would be wicked! I think I need to find this guy pronto. I'd just have to make sure I sign a contract with him with a strict "hands off Frank's girlfriend" clause (if he violates it and tricks her into thinking he's me I have to knock the bastard into next sunday).

*Edit: On a serious note this just happens to be a situation my best friend Finger Noel's mother is dealing with - over the years his family has seen a double of her a few times in the West Island which leads them to believe their mother may have a twin. Mrs. Noel was adopted so it's possible...

Frank Breaker

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