More Crazy Sue: Technochalleneged

Crazy Sue has always been clueless when it comes to any type of technology. I remember back in the day, when I first got zelda for my nintendo I couldn't play it when Crazy Sue was in the room. She would get pissed when I would break pots open for rupees. She called Link a "hooligan" and was convinced I would start doing the same shit in the house. She also had a problem with any game that required extremely fast button mashing (ex: mortal kombat "test your might"). She was positive I was trying to break the controller. She used to call gameboy "playboy". It's kind of embarrassing when you're at a family function and your mom is telling people she finds that her kids spend too much time playing with "playboys"... Anyways she especially sucks when it comes to computers. She's a little better now though but still! For example when Crazy Sue wants to go to a new website, she closes internet explorer and opens it again. And I can't tell you how many times I've seen her open internet explorer (which opens to google as homepage) and watched her type "google" in the address bar...

Here are some choice quotes spanning over the last few years.

Email
Crazy Sue: "I pressed send on my email to uncle peter before I was finished so I unplugged the computer. Do you think I stopped it from going?"
I should point out that at this point my mom thought the computer was just the monitor...

Search engines
Crazy Sue: "Is goggle open during the holidays?"
She meant google.

At the mall
Crazy Sue: "I'm at fairview. Can you goggle and see if the Rogers is still in the mall? ... Goggle, google whatever. Same thing."

Downloading
Crazy Sue: "I can't find the thing I just downloaded."
Me: "Just download it again to your desktop."
Crazy Sue: *10 minutes later* "How do I get this letter I printed off of my desk and back into the computer?"

CD burning
Crazy Sue: "Please tell your sister to stop burning cds she's going to use up all the laser before I get a chance to make one."

Microsoft word
Crazy Sue:"Now how do I get a new paper on the screen to type on?"
This took me about 10 minutes - she was referring to a new word document.   

More recent

Search engines
Crazy Sue: "Ok I'm going to search on google."
She clicks internet explorer icon. The computer is running slow so she clicks it again a few times furiously.
Me: "Wait! Give it a second. What were you trying to do anyways?"
Crazy Sue: "Queenie told me the faster I click the faster it goes."

Sending a message
Crazy Sue: "Where is the damn send button?"
Me: "There is no send button. You've been typing in a word document."

Keyboard issues
Crazy Sue:*over the phone* "I don't know what's going on. The keyboard isn't working!"
After 5 minutes I realized her computer was off. 

Phone manual
Crazy Sue: "This is really taking a long time."
Me: "What is?"
Crazy Sue: "I'm printing this manual for my phone because I can't work it."
The manual was 250 pages long. 

Cell charging
Crazy Sue: "Something's wrong with my cell. Whenever I take it off the charger the battery doesn't last more than 2 days before I have to charge it again! You think I need a new battery?"

Cell phones
Crazy Sue: *over the phone* "The power's out in the neighborhood. If you're in the west island could you drive over and start the generator please? I don't know how I'm going to reach dad."
Me: "I don't know how to start it. Call dad's cell."
Crazy Sue "Didn't you hear me? THE POWER'S OUT."
It took her a few minutes to realize his cell phone would still work even without electricity.

Internet browsers
Crazy Sue: "Dad installed foxfire on my computer now I have to use it instead of internet. I hate it when he does that!"
She meant firefox and internet explorer.

Buying a laptop at best buy
Crazy Sue: "I want one with a keyboard attached to it."

Her new samsung phone
Crazy Sue: "You would like this phone! It even has an Ipod in it."

Text messaging
Crazy Sue: *via text message* "You left your cell phone at our house."
She's sent me this message more than once.



Frank Breaker
 

Back in the day part 3: The Home Phone

You know what I just thought about? Remember back in the day when you used to live at home and didn't have a cell phone? You'd have to use the home phone to call girls, guys, friends etc... Remember how some fool would always pick up the line while you were talking and start dialing without checking to see if someone was already on the line? That happened ALL the time in my house. And it was always my mom! Sometimes she'd be calling long distance to family in the U.K or Africa so the number would be like 20 plus fucking digits long "BEEP BOOP BAP BEEP BEEP BAP BOOOOOP BOP BAP BEEEEEP BOP BAP BEEP BOOP BAP BEEP BEEP BAP BOOP BOP!" and the whole time I'd be yelling "ma! Mommy! MA!!" at the top of my lungs hoping she'd hear me between beeps... The combination of my yelling and my mom pressing buttons must have sounded like scatman john.



SKII BOPP BA BADA BOPP!!!

The worst was when she'd use the phone in the den. It was a rotary phone.



Yeah. I remember that shit. Thanks ma.

*Edit: None of this applies to those of you who had your own phone lines. Elitists.

Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 10

My accountant: (on the phone with his son) "Yeah right. You know what? So much bullshit came out of your mouth just now I think your ass got jealous."

My mom: "I think dad has farted in every single pair of pants that he's ever owned."

My mom: "Please tell your sister to stop burning cds she's going to use up all the laser before I get a chance to make one."

My mom: "I just bought my new phone. It's a nokia and it has an ipod in it!"

My mom: "Reusable grocery bags make me feel like I'm a gypsy."

My mom: "It's like those gay bears you used to watch when you were young!" - This took me a while to understand but I finally realized she was talking about the care bears.

Dave: "Dude the special fried rice at U & Me is so damn good today. I bought 2 orders - I swear there's a little asian inside me right now and he's really satisfied."

Me: "Sam was offered a job at that restaurant today. See she told you she'd get it."
My mom: She should take it before they realize they made a mistake."

My mom: "I think I'm going to buy alexandra a gun."
Me: "Mummy what the fuck? Why would you even entertain that thought?"
My mom: "Because I think her neighborhood is unsafe and I don't trust her."
Me: "So you're going to buy someone you don't trust a gun? I think you've officially lost your mind." - Alexandra is my sister and my mom was dead serious about getting her that gun.


My dad: "Parenting moment! Never say anything to piss off the guy at the drive-thru. That's a sure fire way to get your supersized soda topped off with pee."

My mom: "Something's wrong with my cell. Whenever I take it off the charger the battery doesn't last more than 2 days before I have to charge it again! You think I need a new battery?"

My mom: (laughing her ass off) "Hahahaha! Did you like everything santa brought you this year?"
Me: "Funny. Santa's handwriting looks a lot like yours..."
My mom: "Ha! That's because he borrowed my pen!"
Me: "Mummy that wouldn't make your handwriting the same haha!"
My dad: "They also shared the some bottle of wine."

Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 7 My Mom

My mom: (to some woman at her lawyers office)

My mom: "How many months pregnant are you?"
Random woman: "Im not."
My mom: "..."

My mom: (making small talk at a dealership while waiting for her car to be repaired)

My mom: "When are you due?"
Random woman: "Oh Im not pregnant haha this is just fat!"
My mom: "So sorry!"

My mom: (to some woman at the daycare)

My mom: "Oh so joshuas going to have a little brother or sister to play with soon!"
Woman: "Im not pregnant."
My mom: "Well. Thats too bad."

My mom: (reaching to touch M's stomach)

My mom: "Are you?"
M: "No Im not pregnant..."
My mom: "Oh."
M: (trying to laugh it off) "I quit smoking so Ive gained some weight. Im so embarrassed haha!"

Sigh... Youd think she wouldve learned not to say anything by now.

Frankie Beans

*edit - I love "M". Shes funny as shit and down to earth... See she couldve been upset about what my moms said but she laughed it off. Wicked.