I love this dudes expression 2

Frank Breaker

Explain this bullshit!

If you don't see it I can't help you.

Frank Breaker

*Edit: seems some people are having trouble getting this. The name of the restaurant is Panda Garden. The logo is a drawing of a koala bear.

Explain this bullshit!

Frank Breaker

More Crazy Sue: Technochalleneged

Crazy Sue has always been clueless when it comes to any type of technology. I remember back in the day, when I first got zelda for my nintendo I couldn't play it when Crazy Sue was in the room. She would get pissed when I would break pots open for rupees. She called Link a "hooligan" and was convinced I would start doing the same shit in the house. She also had a problem with any game that required extremely fast button mashing (ex: mortal kombat "test your might"). She was positive I was trying to break the controller. She used to call gameboy "playboy". It's kind of embarrassing when you're at a family function and your mom is telling people she finds that her kids spend too much time playing with "playboys"... Anyways she especially sucks when it comes to computers. She's a little better now though but still! For example when Crazy Sue wants to go to a new website, she closes internet explorer and opens it again. And I can't tell you how many times I've seen her open internet explorer (which opens to google as homepage) and watched her type "google" in the address bar...

Here are some choice quotes spanning over the last few years.

Email
Crazy Sue: "I pressed send on my email to uncle peter before I was finished so I unplugged the computer. Do you think I stopped it from going?"
I should point out that at this point my mom thought the computer was just the monitor...

Search engines
Crazy Sue: "Is goggle open during the holidays?"
She meant google.

At the mall
Crazy Sue: "I'm at fairview. Can you goggle and see if the Rogers is still in the mall? ... Goggle, google whatever. Same thing."

Downloading
Crazy Sue: "I can't find the thing I just downloaded."
Me: "Just download it again to your desktop."
Crazy Sue: *10 minutes later* "How do I get this letter I printed off of my desk and back into the computer?"

CD burning
Crazy Sue: "Please tell your sister to stop burning cds she's going to use up all the laser before I get a chance to make one."

Microsoft word
Crazy Sue:"Now how do I get a new paper on the screen to type on?"
This took me about 10 minutes - she was referring to a new word document.   

More recent

Search engines
Crazy Sue: "Ok I'm going to search on google."
She clicks internet explorer icon. The computer is running slow so she clicks it again a few times furiously.
Me: "Wait! Give it a second. What were you trying to do anyways?"
Crazy Sue: "Queenie told me the faster I click the faster it goes."

Sending a message
Crazy Sue: "Where is the damn send button?"
Me: "There is no send button. You've been typing in a word document."

Keyboard issues
Crazy Sue:*over the phone* "I don't know what's going on. The keyboard isn't working!"
After 5 minutes I realized her computer was off. 

Phone manual
Crazy Sue: "This is really taking a long time."
Me: "What is?"
Crazy Sue: "I'm printing this manual for my phone because I can't work it."
The manual was 250 pages long. 

Cell charging
Crazy Sue: "Something's wrong with my cell. Whenever I take it off the charger the battery doesn't last more than 2 days before I have to charge it again! You think I need a new battery?"

Cell phones
Crazy Sue: *over the phone* "The power's out in the neighborhood. If you're in the west island could you drive over and start the generator please? I don't know how I'm going to reach dad."
Me: "I don't know how to start it. Call dad's cell."
Crazy Sue "Didn't you hear me? THE POWER'S OUT."
It took her a few minutes to realize his cell phone would still work even without electricity.

Internet browsers
Crazy Sue: "Dad installed foxfire on my computer now I have to use it instead of internet. I hate it when he does that!"
She meant firefox and internet explorer.

Buying a laptop at best buy
Crazy Sue: "I want one with a keyboard attached to it."

Her new samsung phone
Crazy Sue: "You would like this phone! It even has an Ipod in it."

Text messaging
Crazy Sue: *via text message* "You left your cell phone at our house."
She's sent me this message more than once.



Frank Breaker
 

More Crazy Sue

Referring to marriage
Crazy Sue: "If you get married I want your wife to call me "mom". I don't want her calling me Mrs. P because then my grandchildren will call me Mrs. P too."

Buying a laptop at best buy
Crazy Sue: "I want one with a keyboard attached to it."

At the mall
Crazy Sue: "I'm at fairview. Can you goggle and see if the Rogers is still in the mall? ... Goggle, google whatever. Same thing."

Cleaning the house
Crazy Sue: "Don't make a mess. This house needs to be clean by the time the cleaning lady gets here. I don't want her thinking we're messy people."

Drinking alcohol
Crazy Sue: "That's crazy! You can't get drunk off of wine."

Referring to a member of her choir
Crazy Sue: "She's lucky she has big breasts because she can't sing very well."

Referring to my youngest sister
Crazy Sue: "When she was a child I would've taken a bullet for her. Now that shes grown I want to shoot her."

Regarding me mentioning that I quote her
Crazy Sue: "Don't quote what I say. If you quote what I say you'll be in big shit. And you can quote me on that."

Referring to MAJOR fire at my apartment (I called crazy sue to tell her as it was happening)
Crazy Sue: *to my sister* "He says his apartment's on fire. It's probably just burnt toast in his toaster."
Meanwhile I was outside my apartment with an entire squad of firemen

Intelligence
Crazy Sue: Just when I thought you were as brilliant as me you go and say something that shows how unsmart you are."

Regarding a childhood dream of becoming an astronaut
Crazy Sue: "If you get hurt in space you'll probably die."

Our family dog
Crazy Sue: "Put Snowy in the oven please."
She meant to say "cage" but never corrected herself.

Referring to a computer technician
Crazy Sue: "Try and stand between us my nose is sensitive today and his breath smells like he shit his pants.

Plastic surgery
Crazy Sue: "I'm going in for botox. They should probably give me a frequent flyer card."

Work issues
Crazy Sue: "I found a solution to the attendance problem. I thought about it all night. And on the toilet this morning."

Guilt trip
Crazy Sue: "I never try to make my children feel guilty. The fact that you think that really hurts my feelings."

Frank Breaker

Crazy Sue

Have you ever heard someone say something so outlandish that you actually had to sit down? This morning I have been inspired. My mom says some really stupid shit sometimes and I have decided to give her her own segment on the Vag called Crazy Sue.

Referring to an employee of ours who passed out at work
Crazy Sue: "yeah she fainted but she regained consciousness! Why would they call an ambulance? They should've just put her in a taxi. If we call 911 too many times and it turns out there is no emergency they won't come anymore."

Lemons for caesar salad
Crazy Sue: "Can you believe my son wants me to throw out these lemon wedges because I got a little blood from the steaks on them? That's crazy talk."
The steaks were raw.

Dining out
Crazy Sue: *complaining to waiter* "I ordered my steak medium rare."
Waiter: "You have to actually cut into the steak ma'am."

Smoke detectors
Me: "I'm going to put them up tonight. What do you think?"
Crazy Sue: *farts* "That's what I think."

Hydro Quebec customer service
Crazy Sue: "It was one of those automated phone calls I hate talking to recordings so I hung up."
Me: "It wasn't a recording mommy it was a person. I was the one who answered the phone and passed it to you."
Crazy Sue: "Well it's not my fault. They shouldn't hire people who sound like gay robots."

Her new samsung phone
Crazy Sue: "You would like this phone! It even has an Ipod in it."

Referring to my 3 year old cousin
Crazy Sue: "I have never had so much love for a child in my life!"
Me: "You do realize you have 3 children of your own right?"

Apartment rentalCrazy Sue: "I just don't want to rent to any french people ok? French people don't like to pay rent."

Dinner party
Crazy Sue: All my friends were talking about their sons as teenagers. All I could say was up until my son was 12 years old I thought he was gay because he never brought a girl home for dinner."

Footwear
Crazy Sue: "I really don't like it when I make the effort to buy new shoes and no one compliments me on them."

Cruise ship
Crazy Sue: *loudly* "This deck looks like a floating walmart."

Patio door
Crazy Sue: "The lock been broken for days and dad still hasn't fixed it. I don't understand why simple repairs take him years to do! What if someone breaks in and has their way with me while he's out of town?"

Referring to a friend of mine we ran into in the mall
Crazy Sue: *whispering loudly* "Her bum is so big! They would love her in the islands."

Referring to an employee of ours who called her about an issue at work
Crazy Sue: "I know she has her rights I just wish she would express her right to shut the fuck up."

Tea
Crazy Sue: "I created you so you should make me a cup of tea."

My dad and his friend
Crazy Sue: "Dad's having dinner with Pete. It's good to see him with a friend... Probably wont last though."

Referring to my sister leaving rotten food in my moms fridge
Crazy Sue: "Why does she waste so much? Food doesn't grow on trees damnit!"

Frank Breaker

Wife carrying competition

WTF wife carrying is a sport?! HAHAHAA basically you race through an obstacle course carrying your wife on your back. The "wife" doesnt necessarily need to be married to you but she must be over 17 years old and weigh 108 lbs and up. The prize for the winners? The wife’s weight in beer, a bag full of wife carrying products(???), a statue with a wife carrying motif, and of course, worldwide fame... I almost shit myself when the racer almost drowned his wife in beginning of the video.



Schmitty