Sunday, March 4, 2012

The cure for stupidity remains elusive

Stupidity is on the rise. According to a recent statistical report (that I created) there has been a dramatic increase in the number of brainless people walking the earth. Here are my results:

International Stupidity Trend

NOTE: According to experts (myself) close to 1/3 of the world's population (32.7%) has gotten stupider over the past 20 years.

NOTE: No country presented in the 2012 data had a prevalence of stupidity less than 20%.

NOTE: Adjustments have been made variable factors such as globalization, inflation, solar flares, taco tuesdays, global warming, Daylight Savings Time and daytime talk shows.

Simple enough the growing trend is partly due to intelligent people having less children than the obtuse. According to me most dummies grow up, fuck other dummies without rubbers, have unwanted pregnancies, and fuck some more. Then their dimwitted offspring repeat the cycle. It needs to stop! Let's take care of this shit before it gets too far out of control. We need more chlorine in the gene pool folks! My suggestion is a long term solution that will bring positive results - let's stop putting obvious warning labels on dangerous products. Accidents are bound to happen more frequently and thick headed folk will eventually die off.


I tell you why I'm ranting about this shit right now. I just read an article on the stupidest hobby of life. It's called "mermaiding". What the fuck is mermaiding you ask?

"Mermaiding is a fandom in which a woman (or more rarely a man) either buys or makes a mermaid tail for the purpose of swimming in pools, lakes, or just posing on the rocks, usually while being photographed."

WTF?! Why would you do this? Even worse why would you tell people about it? Who came up with this fuckery?

Here's the article

"An Australian woman ­has left her job to pursue her real dream of becoming a mermaid.

After seeing a video online on 'mermaiding,' Mermaid Ayla (as she introduces herself) was inspired to create her own tail, purchase a monofin and learn the all-important dolphin kick, necessary for any budding mermaid."

As Mermaid Ayla mentions in the video, there are hundreds of people around the world who spend their free time as mermaids and mermen, swimming in pools and open bodies of water (a quick search for "mermaiding" on youtube will give you an idea of how they do it). Many also train themselves to be more mermaid-like by holding their breath in order to stay under water longer. While the community of merfolk in the world isn't very large, they are a well-connected and active group. Mermaids and mermen can be found connecting online at MerNetwork where they share tips on making and buying tails, as well as discussing community events like the annual MerConvention (MerCon for short) in Las Vegas. During MerCon, the group will honour merfolk with the World Mermaid Awards, held for the first time last year."

WTF?! They have conventions? Incidentally shouldn't merfolk hold their conferences somewhere on the beach close to water? Las Vegas is in the middle of the desert. Fools can't even get that right. FAIL. And this lady actually quit her job for this shit??? She needs a reality check upside the head pronto!

Fucking crack pot.

EDIT: She's cheating! SHE HAS TWO LARGE FLOATATION DEVICES. I honestly thought one of her Mer Mams was gonna pop out for a second.

EDIT: Insert corny Bonya-esque joke - "I wonder what the pay 'scale' for being a mermaid is?"

Tomorrow I'm quitting my job to pursue my dream of becoming a robot. In preparation I'm going to swallow a gang of wires, microchips and batteries at lunch.


Forget the robot idea. I have a feeling ingesting batteries will have a negative effect on my body. Instead I've decided to become a centaur. Ladies looooove centaurs.

When I'm a centaur I'm going to stomp all mermaids out.

Hobby fail.

Frank Breaker *Mermaid Stompa

No comments:

Post a Comment