Tuesday, March 20, 2012

My Garbage Man is Garbage

I hate the trash collection service in my neighborhood. Here are 5 reasons why

1) Why does it seem that the trucks are louder than normal? This morning I got woken up by the loudest piece of shit garbage truck of life. It sounded like optimus prime was taking a shit outside my goddamn window.

2) Why does the bastard truck have to back up traffic on coolbrook street? Dudes you and I both know you don't need to take up the entire lane. There's plenty of room for you to pull over and let cars pass. But you won't so I know I'll be late for work. Again.

3) At least 2 -3 times a month after collection I still find trash and shit in the bottom of the goddamn can. What's the point of even trying?

4) Whenever I get a new trash can the lid always "disappears" within a week or 2. I'm convinced it's because the bastards throw the lids out so they don't have to fuck with them.

5) Why is it that my trash can can never be placed vertically on the curb in front of my house or even gently tossed on the side? The lazy pieces of shit always pitch my cans wherever they please. Tossed aside like unwanted children... It's sad.

72% In the street
23% Beside my car
5% In my neighbor's yard

I know what you're asking yourselves - are these percentages accurate? The answer is no. They are made up statistics that I find best measure the "excellent" service I receive from my friendly neighborhood waste management professionals.

Fucking bastards.

Maybe I could leave them a note? Something like

Dear fuck faces,

Do you mind not throwing my trash cans anymore? Do you not realize it actually takes more effort to throw them than simply dropping them on the curb? Trust. Your sore muscles will thank me.


A friendly citizen

Hm... on second thought maybe not. They would probably chuck a can through my window. I think I'll put the note on my neighbor's can. That way the trash men will get the message while my neighbor suffers their wrath. He's a shithead anyway.

Although I hate trash men I do admit this is epic:

The funniest is even though he's pissed beyond belief he still proceeds to pick up every single scrap of paper that falls out of the mailbox. Jokes.

Watch the video again - this time set to guile's theme. Tell me he doesn't look like a hero!

Frank Breaker

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