Ask Frank

Hey Frank - I hate my past how can i change it?

I could take you back in time with my 85 Fiero Gt Time Machine for $2199.99 + tax. Just note - you only get 2 hours MAXIMUM in the past. I use the AIS rule (ass in seat) if your ass is not in the passenger seat within those 2 hours I will leave your stupid face in the past. I'm very busy I don't have time for shenanigans.

Hey Frank - Should I take the plastic off of my furniture?

Yes. Plastic on furniture is for immigrants fresh off the boat and people who host orgies.

Hey Frank - How can I become a doctor without going to school?

I'm sure you can learn all you need to know off the internet.

Hey Frank - I’ve had my cats for years but my new gf is allergic and she wants me to get rid of them. What should I do?

Hm... this is a tough one. Depends. How big are her tits?

Hey Frank - I have crabs, what should I feed them?

Don't feed them! Let them die then stick some ice down your crotch to keep those suckers fresh.

Hey Frank - Yesterday I was chased by a swarm of bees. Is it because I ate some royal jelly supplement?

If you ate it straight out of the hive then yes.

Hey Frank - My co worker really smells bad. What should I do about it?

Spray them in the face with febreeze.

Hey Frank - Where can I buy green eggs and ham?

If you mean the book try amazon. If you mean the food try fantasy land.

Hey Frank - I'm looking for good songs to strip for my husband to. Do you have any suggestions?

Depends. How big are your tits?
If they're big: Brick house by the Commodores 36-24-36
If they're medium: I put a spell on you by Screamin Jay Hawkins
If they're small: Summertime by Janis Joplin

Hey Frank - How come when I talk to girls on dating sites none of them talk back?

Cause you're probably ugly. Sorry kiddo.

Hey Frank - Can antarctica fall off the globe?

YES! Make sure you stay north of the equator my friend. I once went to new zealand and when I was going to catch a taxi the cab itself fell off the world. I also lost my sunglasses.

Hey Frank - How do I make a blueberry smoothie without blueberries?

Use strawberries and a blue marker.

Hey Frank - Will my date be impressed if I take her to burger king and buy her a junior whopper?

Only if you buy 2 of them. If you spring for fries you might even get a blow jay on the bus on the way back.

Hey Frank - What is an appropriate gift to buy my african american friend for black friday? Do you think he'll appreciate a book or an audio cd?

Get him The Wire DVD set complete series. Happy holidays!

Frank Breaker