Ask Frank

It's time for a new artificial vagina segment called "Ask Frank". Many of you have sent me dumb questions over the past couple years and I've decided to post the madness with my responses. Enjoy.

Hey Frank - why does frozen cauliflower taste so bad?

Because its frozen.

Hey Frank - I recently got a couple of nice, rather fabric cardigans, but I am not really sure what to wear under them. Do you have any suggestions?

I'd suggest wearing a shirt of some kind.

Hey Frank - I read your post about free condoms and thought maybe you were an authority on the subject. I am a virgin male and decided today that I wanted to figure out how condoms work. You know, for future reference. I have heard that it is important to "get the right size," so I’m wondering are the sizes listed on the box like they do bra sizes... kind of like, A, B, C, D?

There is regular size and magnum size. That’s it. Order a sampler pack from amazon and leave me alone.

PS stay away from durex brand.

Hey Frank - Are nuns aloud to masturbate?

Probably. But I’m sure they don’t do it “aloud” – everyone would hear the action.

Hey Frank - Why do shampoo instructions read, “Rinse and repeat”?

So that you use up more shampoo. Or maybe they think you missed your head the first time.

Hey Frank - What are the other 56 varieties of Heinz 57 sauce?

Ask heinz you bastard. CLICK

Hey Frank - Why is bra singular and panties plural?

I call it by its full designation - a pair of bra.

Hey Frank - Why does the Easter bunny hide eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

The easter bunny probably plowed a chicken, got her pregnant and had to get rid of the evidence.

Hey Frank - Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

Just use the name “chuck” and shutup.

Hey Frank - Why do we say something is out of whack? What is “whack”?

This question is whack.

Hey Frank - Why do they call the brand “Victoria's secret” Victoria's SECRET?

The secret is victoria used to be a dude named victor.

Hey Frank - I’ve read about your mom on your blog. What does she do for a living?

Shes a business owner. In her spare time she works as a tour guide on guilt trips…

Hey Frank - Which is larger, the Sun or the Earth.

You serious???

Hey Frank - Why is the chicken dance called the chicken dance?

What the fuck is the chicken dance?

Hey Frank - Why is deoderant spelled deoderant and not deoderent?

It isn’t. Its spelled “deodorant”.

Hey Frank - Why isn’t the word “colonel” spelled the way it sounds?

I wondered the very same thing a while ago. Probably to carry on the tradition of keeping the english language as perplexing as ever. Why is the word “bologna” pronounced bo lo nee?? I mean Lasagna isn’t pronounced la za nee…

That's it for now - feel free to send me more questions.

Frank Breaker