Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Pet Peeve #207

Pet Peeve # 207 - People who run the tap when they go to the bathroom. This has annoyed me for years. I suspect that people who are guilty of this have some degree of performance anxiety. Letting the tap run MAY cover up most deuce commotion (i.e. farts, various plops/splashes, grunts and groans, swearing, wiping, etc...) but they must realize it also attracts attention to what's happening in the bathroom? By turning on the tap people outside of the can get the message "I'm in here dropping a deuce!". Then there's also all of the water that is wasted. Nobody actually cares that you're in there shitting - everybody does it you douchebags! Please refer to the following for reference.

Apparently even apples poop.

On the other hand there are some people at opposite end of the spectrum - some seasoned pros go to the can making all kinds of racket shooting off farts like fireworks at a goddamn deuce juice celebration! They even go as far as opening the can door to carry on conversations. WRONG! I call them "shameless shitters" Don't be that guy either.

Frank Breaker

PS: In researching this I read that some women in Japan constantly flush the toilet in order to mask the deuce commotion. That's fucking madness a toilet uses between 13 and 20 liters of water per flush!! Also personally I wouldn't relish the idea of a whirling vortex of deuce underneath me. Anyways I've come up with some alternatives.

Mask your deuce commotion by:

- eating a bag of kettle chips while you're in the can.
- play a radio while you're in the can
- turn on your car alarm while you're in the can
- yell loudly while you're in the can
- snore while you're in the can
- blow a rape whistle while you're in the can
- make margaritas while you're in the can
- use an air horn while you're in the can
- fire off a pistol while you're in the can
- yodel while you're in the can


  1. Remind me to never accept a margarita from you.

  2. I don't make margaritas in the can. I fire off my pistol into the ceiling to cover up the noises