Shit burger experience

I love Harvey’s restaurant. I mean LOVE. But the number of decent locations in montreal is going down the fucking drain. The latest one to go down is the 24 hour one on decarie. I should've been tipped off by the odour as soon as I got in. Ordinarily all Harvey’s restaurants have this particular baked sawdust/dry booty smell which I have gotten used to over the years. I think it's from the meat. The odour saturates everything it touches - the bag, receipt, napkins plus your fingers will smell like ass for a few hours after eating. This time around there was no baked sawdust/dry booty smell. This particular location smelled like feet. Specifically children's feet - which is not as bad a smell as adult feet but it is still bad.

Let me point out it was after 2 am I hadn’t eaten dinner and was hungry as shit. This was the only fast food place open in the area that I was willing to grab food from  

The girl who took my order was missing a tooth...

 

The girl who assembled my burger was a real piece of work though. With this glimmer of contempt in her eyes she asked what toppings I wanted

- Mustard/relish application was all good. 

Then shit went downhill.

- I asked for lettuce. She dumps a pound of the shit on my burger.

- I asked for onions. She put 2 small ass pieces. When I asked for more she spooned some extra on asking “good enough?”

-I asked for pickles. She put one. I asked for more pickles she put a thousand. WTF is this? I'm not stocking up for winter.

-The tomatoes were translucent. Passed on them.

-I asked for hot peppers and she goes to put those nasty end pieces on. I told her to forget it.

-I asked for ketchup. The psycho perhaps overcompensating for the lack of onions earlier opened the floodgates and poured out an ocean of that red shit onto my burger.

On my way out I asked for ketchup to go for my fries. She drops one packet in my bag. When I asked for more she gave me this look of disdain. What the fuck one packet of ketchup isn't going to put a dent in a large order of fries! I almost told the douchebag if she hates her life so badly a bullet only costs 25 cents. I held back though. After taking a look around I understood her plight - I don’t care how much one gets paid no one is happy to be working at 3am ESPECIALLY when your clientele is mostly composed of drunk bastards. I also noticed that most of the employees looked like shit and no one serving in front had a full set of teeth. I think the guy in the back even had a glass eye - his left eye didn't move at all. By the way never trust the guy in the back. I figure they keep the clinically depressed employees in the back at the grill so they don't creep out the customers. At the Harvey’s on St. Jacques (which is banned by the way) I once watched the dude flipping the burgers leave the grill, handle raw bacon with his hands, then return to touching the buns without washing up. Fucking nasty.

Never again.

Who am I kidding I'm probably going to end up there tomorrow.

Frank Breaker

Ask Frank

Hey Frank - Who cleans up the paint after someone paints the town red?
Carl

Dear Carl
It's not paint! Doesn't the saying refer to a lady's "lady days"? In that case shouldn't the lady in question wear a tampon or one of those ones with wings?

Hey Frank - Is a coconut a fruit or nut?
Jon

Dear Jon
Fruit or nut?! Are you mad? They're mammals! They do have hair and produce milk...

Hey Frank - Why hasnt nasa gone to the sun? I know it's really really hot there but have they ever considered going at night?
Tanya

Dear Tanya
Because it's under us at night. The rocket would have to pull a u-turn and turn around. By the time they did that it would be too late

Hey Frank - I just got back from vacation. What did I miss?
Alice

Dear Alice
Scroll down.

Hey Frank - Why do you call titties "chesticles"? Why don't you call them chestnuts?
Kiki

Dear Kiki
I call them "chesticles" to avoid confusion. When I say "chestnuts" I'm referring to the act in which I rub my testicles AKA nuts on breasts AKA chest.

Hey Frank - When you call someone a motherfucker, do you mean that they fuck their own mothers or just mothers in general?
Mrs. Marois

Dear Mrs. Marois
Not at all! For me the word "mother" in this instance simply refers to the "greatest or most notable". Example 1 - "mother of all horror novels = most notable horror novel of all time. Example 2 - You, Mrs. Marois are a motherfucker = most notable fucker of all time.

Hey Frank - Do you have any advice on tipping my fedora and possibly some tricks I can do with it?
Jerome

Dear Jerome
Depends on the situation. Sometimes I utter the phrase "m'lady" right after the tip. Sometimes to garner attention I let out a small yelp during the tip.Occasionally right after this I do mustache area stroke/finger firing pistols combo.

Hey Frank - Which came first? Fried chicken or fried eggs?
Sam

Dear Sam
How the fuck should I know? I'm no ornatholagist ornothallogest bird expert
Ask Colonel Sanders. 

Hey Frank - The waitress at Baton Rouge calls me sweetie. How do I explain to her I'm not ready for a serious relationship? 
Prez

Dear Prez
Too late bro. She's already pregnant.

Hey Frank - What's the best thing to fap with?
Marcus

Dear Marcus
A scotch brite sponge mop. That way you clean up at the same time.

Hey Frank - Where do surnames originate from?
Mr. Hiscox

Dear Mr. Hiscox
Surnames are simply related to family origins (identity and heritage). In the past surnames were also related to your profession. For example, my surname is Breaker. In old England a Breaker was someone who breaks things. I still break things to this day. Just this morning I broke a plate and just now I broke wind. I wonder what your family used to do?

Frank Breaker

25 things I like to do from time to time

Do these and enhance your social interactions

1 - Have a conversation with someone only using the word "why"

Example: conversation last friday with my girl's sister

Kay: "And then I took the crib bumper to the cash to pay for it and the cashier told me I couldn't buy it."
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "Apparently it's sold as part of a kit."
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "I don't know! You can buy it online on it's own. The cashier argued and said I could't buy it."
Me: "Why?"
Kay:"Because she's stupid. I told her to get the manager. The manager didn't want to let me buy it either."
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "I don't know. By law they have to sell it!"
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "It was on the shelf with a price on it! They tried to tell me I had to buy the kit. I didn't want to buy the fucking kit."
Me: "Why?"  
Kay: "Cause that's all Bonya had left on his baby registry!"
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "Because everyone had already bought the rest of the stuff he wanted."
Me: "Why?"
Kay:"..."
My girl: "You do realize he's fucking with you right?
Kay:"Yes."

2 - Sing/whistle the "mah na mah na" song incessantly so people get it stuck in their heads



Il Mahna Mahna di The Office by Cooliox

3 - In the memo part of your cheques/checks mark "for sensual massage."

4 - At the drive through say your order is "to go please".

5 - Every so often speak robot voice. When people ask you what you're doing tell them this is how they speak on the moon and you're practicing for when people actually move up there to live.


6 - Yell random numbers while someone is counting.


7 - When someone drops something (i.e keys, paper, etc) and goes to pick it up kick the item away as soon as they get close.


8 - At dinner when someone reaches for a second helping deflect their fork with your fork and yell "BLOCK!". I call this food jousting.

9 - When someone tells you you have food on your face tell them you are aware and you were saving it for later.

10 - Put anti theft detector strips in people's pockets

11 - Walk without moving your arms.

12 - Empty your hole punch in someones umbrella. The next time it rains and they put it above their head and open it they'll get doused in confetti. I call this a confetti bomb.

13 - When strangers ask you questions about shit that isn't any of their business respond with an obvious lie.

Example:

Person: "How long does it take to wash your hair?"
Me:"5 hours."
Person:"Really? No it doesn't."
Me:"Okay then 5 minutes."
Person:"..."
Me:"Now you have no clue where I'm coming from."
 
14 - When riding shotgun in a car and the driver gets out to pump gas turn everything on full blast (radio, air conditioner, windshield wipers, 4 way blinkers, etc...) turn on all lights and open the ashtrays and glove box. When they get back in the car and put the key in all of their senses will be attacked.

15 - Say "beep, beep, beep" when a person with a big ass backs up.

16 - Ask your employees/co workers a weird question, say "interesting", mark their answer on a piece of paper and put it in your pocket. Whisper something about psychological profiles and walk away.

17 - Creep people out by never breaking eye contact.





18 - When someone rambles on too much about an issue ask "are you still talking?"

19 - When someone rambles on too much telling a story say "skip to the end".

20 - When someone rambles on too much talking in general pretend to fall asleep with your eyes open, stare right at them, and snore LOUDLY.

20 - Staple papers on the bottom instead of the top.

21 - When someone loses to you BADLY in a game tell them "they just got raped and not in the good way".

22 - Inform certain people that they exist only in your imagination.

24 - At a buffet after finishing eating and paying your bill grab a piece of finger food from the buffet (i.e chicken wing) on your way out and announce "one for the road".

25 - Ask for a big mac at burger king (my mom does this one ALL the time).

Enjoy

Frank Breaker

National Assembly of Quebec.

Frank Breaker

Emperor Marois

That's right.

Frank Breaker

Explain this bullshit!

For real?!?

Frank Breaker

Explain this bullshit!

Actually come to think of it I'm going to do the same to my child.

Frank Breaker

Explain this bullshit!

Frank Breaker

Archeological sites around the world

Frank Breaker

Explain this bullshit!

Frank Breaker

Explain this bullshit!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is jooookes! The black couple just rolls out of a moving vehicle so they can save money at golden corral?! Dude's like "I'm not sharing shit! See ya!!!!"

At least they could've had them stop the car first

*EDIT: Finger, Prez - the dudes face at 0:03kind of looks like a face Biz would make HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Frank Breaker

Ask Frank

Hey Frank - If you were one of the 800 kernels of corn on an ear of corn how would you lead the uprising?

Dear Stewart
I would turn black and get all militant up in that piece.

Hey Frank - Dunkin Dognuts or Starbucks?
Phillippe

Dear Phillippe
I don't particularly like paying for dog nuts or coffee so neither.

Hey Frank - Are gay people and robots the same? Neither of them have emotions do they?
Ian

Dear Ian
They do have emotions. And they both hate you.

Hey Frank - Does stevie wonder know he's a black man?
Jim

Dear Jim
Dude it's 2013!

...

I'm sure someone will tell him soon.

Hey Frank - My boyfriend says he loves racing. Does that mean he loves it more than me? 
Katie

Dear Katie
No it absolutely does not mean he loves racing more than you. It means he loves racism more than you. 

Hey Frank - If you're a man and you love Jesus does that mean you're gay?
George 


Dear George  
Of course it does.

Hey Frank - Since money doesn't grow on trees how does it grow?
Abby

Dear Abby
Money grows deep in the ground. Like a potato.

Hey Frank - If your penis was a country which one would it be? Why?
Drew

Dear Drew
My penis would be Canada. Because it's big. It's also close to an asshole. 

Hey Frank - If disney world is the greatest place on earth what is the worst? 
Donald

Dear Donald
The worst places on earth are the majority of men's public restrooms along the I-92. Some of them are like thunderdome - 2 men enter one man leaves! 

Seriously you ever go into a bathroom that has no stall door? Who gets so amped up while pooing they feel the need to rip the door off it's hinges?

Hey Frank - What is an instagram?
Alice

Dear Alice
Instagram is a unit of metric mass. It goes gram, kilogram, instagram, tonne.

Hey Frank  - Are dora the explorer and internet explorer related?
Alexandra

Dear Alexandra
Yes. They are second cousins twice removed. Also both of them take a shitload of time to find what they're looking for.

Hey Frank  - In rituals why do they always sacrifice virgins? Why not regular girls or sluts?
Lonnie

Dear Lonnie
Cause we need the regular girls and sluts for sex and stuff. You ever tried to get a virgin to give up her cherry??? Ain't nobody got time for that.


Hey Frank  - Why do people say that dolphins are the smartest sea creatures? Don't whales have their own country?
Claudia

Dear Claudia
Wales isn't a country of whales - it's a contry of fat people.

Hey Frank  - When is the best time to watch the movie A Nightmare Before Christmas? At halloween or at christmas?
Angie

Dear Angie
At halloween dummy! Everyone knows that. Christmas is for holiday classics. Like Die Hard.

Hey Frank  - If lesbians are gay why don't they suck penis?
Shawn

Dear Shawn
They do! The only difference is that for them "penis" is pronounced "clitoris". It's also shaped like a clitoris. Okay?

Frank Breaker


 

Explain this bullshit!

Frank Breaker

Breaker's Greetings

Breaker's Greetings birthday card for my homie Finger Noel - happy birthday dude!

Frank Breaker

Rob Ford - The Truth

Frank Breaker