Tuesday, February 18, 2014

25 things I like to do from time to time

Do these and enhance your social interactions

1 - Have a conversation with someone only using the word "why"

Example: conversation last friday with my girl's sister

Kay: "And then I took the crib bumper to the cash to pay for it and the cashier told me I couldn't buy it."
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "Apparently it's sold as part of a kit."
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "I don't know! You can buy it online on it's own. The cashier argued and said I could't buy it."
Me: "Why?"
Kay:"Because she's stupid. I told her to get the manager. The manager didn't want to let me buy it either."
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "I don't know. By law they have to sell it!"
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "It was on the shelf with a price on it! They tried to tell me I had to buy the kit. I didn't want to buy the fucking kit."
Me: "Why?"  
Kay: "Cause that's all Bonya had left on his baby registry!"
Me: "Why?"
Kay: "Because everyone had already bought the rest of the stuff he wanted."
Me: "Why?"
My girl: "You do realize he's fucking with you right?

2 - Sing/whistle the "mah na mah na" song incessantly so people get it stuck in their heads

Il Mahna Mahna di The Office by Cooliox

3 - In the memo part of your cheques/checks mark "for sensual massage."

4 - At the drive through say your order is "to go please".

5 - Every so often speak robot voice. When people ask you what you're doing tell them this is how they speak on the moon and you're practicing for when people actually move up there to live.

6 - Yell random numbers while someone is counting.

7 - When someone drops something (i.e keys, paper, etc) and goes to pick it up kick the item away as soon as they get close.

8 - At dinner when someone reaches for a second helping deflect their fork with your fork and yell "BLOCK!". I call this food jousting.

9 - When someone tells you you have food on your face tell them you are aware and you were saving it for later.

10 - Put anti theft detector strips in people's pockets

11 - Walk without moving your arms.

12 - Empty your hole punch in someones umbrella. The next time it rains and they put it above their head and open it they'll get doused in confetti. I call this a confetti bomb.

13 - When strangers ask you questions about shit that isn't any of their business respond with an obvious lie.


Person: "How long does it take to wash your hair?"
Me:"5 hours."
Person:"Really? No it doesn't."
Me:"Okay then 5 minutes."
Me:"Now you have no clue where I'm coming from."
14 - When riding shotgun in a car and the driver gets out to pump gas turn everything on full blast (radio, air conditioner, windshield wipers, 4 way blinkers, etc...) turn on all lights and open the ashtrays and glove box. When they get back in the car and put the key in all of their senses will be attacked.

15 - Say "beep, beep, beep" when a person with a big ass backs up.

16 - Ask your employees/co workers a weird question, say "interesting", mark their answer on a piece of paper and put it in your pocket. Whisper something about psychological profiles and walk away.

17 - Creep people out by never breaking eye contact.

18 - When someone rambles on too much about an issue ask "are you still talking?"

19 - When someone rambles on too much telling a story say "skip to the end".

20 - When someone rambles on too much talking in general pretend to fall asleep with your eyes open, stare right at them, and snore LOUDLY.

20 - Staple papers on the bottom instead of the top.

21 - When someone loses to you BADLY in a game tell them "they just got raped and not in the good way".

22 - Inform certain people that they exist only in your imagination.

24 - At a buffet after finishing eating and paying your bill grab a piece of finger food from the buffet (i.e chicken wing) on your way out and announce "one for the road".

25 - Ask for a big mac at burger king (my mom does this one ALL the time).


Frank Breaker

No comments:

Post a Comment