Friday, March 14, 2014

Ask Frank

Hey Frank - Who cleans up the paint after someone paints the town red?

Dear Carl
It's not paint! Doesn't the saying refer to a lady's "lady days"? In that case shouldn't the lady in question wear a tampon or one of those ones with wings?

Hey Frank - Is a coconut a fruit or nut?

Dear Jon
Fruit or nut?! Are you mad? They're mammals! They do have hair and produce milk...

Hey Frank - Why hasnt nasa gone to the sun? I know it's really really hot there but have they ever considered going at night?

Dear Tanya
Because it's under us at night. The rocket would have to pull a u-turn and turn around. By the time they did that it would be too late

Hey Frank - I just got back from vacation. What did I miss?

Dear Alice
Scroll down.

Hey Frank - Why do you call titties "chesticles"? Why don't you call them chestnuts?

Dear Kiki
I call them "chesticles" to avoid confusion. When I say "chestnuts" I'm referring to the act in which I rub my testicles AKA nuts on breasts AKA chest.

Hey Frank - When you call someone a motherfucker, do you mean that they fuck their own mothers or just mothers in general?
Mrs. Marois

Dear Mrs. Marois
Not at all! For me the word "mother" in this instance simply refers to the "greatest or most notable". Example 1 - "mother of all horror novels = most notable horror novel of all time. Example 2 - You, Mrs. Marois are a motherfucker = most notable fucker of all time.

Hey Frank - Do you have any advice on tipping my fedora and possibly some tricks I can do with it?

Dear Jerome
Depends on the situation. Sometimes I utter the phrase "m'lady" right after the tip. Sometimes to garner attention I let out a small yelp during the tip.Occasionally right after this I do mustache area stroke/finger firing pistols combo.

Hey Frank - Which came first? Fried chicken or fried eggs?

Dear Sam
How the fuck should I know? I'm no ornatholagist ornothallogest bird expert
Ask Colonel Sanders. 

Hey Frank - The waitress at Baton Rouge calls me sweetie. How do I explain to her I'm not ready for a serious relationship? 

Dear Prez
Too late bro. She's already pregnant.

Hey Frank - What's the best thing to fap with?

Dear Marcus
A scotch brite sponge mop. That way you clean up at the same time.

Hey Frank - Where do surnames originate from?
Mr. Hiscox

Dear Mr. Hiscox
Surnames are simply related to family origins (identity and heritage). In the past surnames were also related to your profession. For example, my surname is Breaker. In old England a Breaker was someone who breaks things. I still break things to this day. Just this morning I broke a plate and just now I broke wind. I wonder what your family used to do?

Frank Breaker

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