Ramen Noodles

We have all tasted ramen noodles at some point in our lives. They suck ass. I mean I completely understand resorting to eating them if you're one of the less fortunate members of society - What I can't understand are people who are more well off (i.e my sister) that still swear by that unholy shit. I've watched her crack open packages prepare them and enjoy them almost like they tasted like t-bone steak rather than salty feet. Personally every time I ate them in university I felt like my life force was slowly being siphoned off...

Isn't the word "ramen" japanese for "defeated"? And why do they bother to mark the different flavors on the packages? There's no chicken in there you fuckface! It's salty dirt!! Its just bricks of noodles and packages of different colored salty dirt.

*EDIT: The sodium content alone is enough to kill a goddamn whale.

I came across this recipe while researching the subject on the internets.

Turn your cheap ramen noodles into a feast! Try grilled steak with ramen

Ingredients

1 (2 pound) sirloin steak 

1 (2 pound) flank steak

1 tablespoon all spice

2 tablespoons of garlic

2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice

3 packages of generic brand ramen noodles

...

I refuse to go on. I cant believe I'm seeing 2 types of steak in the same recipe as ramen noodles! I mean if  you can actually afford the steak why are you still eating ramen? Seriously that shit costs less than a pack of chiclets. This person bat shit crazy... Plus I'm pretty sure they don't sell steak in the food aisle at the gas station. If you actually venture out to a grocery store to buy your ramen why don't you kick this recipe up a notch get decadent and add lobster too? It would be like surf and turf on a bed of wet cardboard. Plus the author doesn't even suggest the legit ramen!

You've heard of "I can't believe it's not butter"? Ramen noodles I henceforth dub thee "I can't believe I'm this broke".

Frank Breaker

Public sex FAIL

Most people like their sex in somewhat normal places. Personally I likes my sex at home. My bed's comfy as hell, I'm usually already buck naked and I can go to sleep right after. BONUS - I'm close to the kitchen so I can make a sandwich or some tacitos if I feel peckish. Chairs and sofas can be cool to... in fact there's a lot of places that are decent - anywhere in the house, on the house, under the house, in your boys house, in a log house, in your parents house, in a beach house, in a farmhouse, in a warehouse, in a hen house, a dog house, an outhouse (blech! fuck no), a nut house, in the white house, a light house, at colombia house, on a plane, a train, an automobile, the batmobile, the oscar meyer mobile, a cab, a balloon, a hotel, motel, holiday inn (say what), atlantis, space, etc... Why public sex? Some folks think that boning at home is boring. Some like to get back to nature which just means they're so gung ho ready to go they get down wherever they get a chance. It could also be that they just want to spice up their sex lives or maybe they get off on the risk of getting caught. Maybe they like the idea of being watched... But for the life of me I can't understand how these two fools can get down like this! Check this out - these 2 fiends started to jam in the subway train and were told by fellow passengers it was inappropriate to plow on the floor. So the "respectable" couple got off at the next stop and proceeded to bump uglys on the subway platform. Even homeless people have the good sense to fuck BEHIND dumpsters not in them... . Nasty with a capital N. On what planet is it cool to plunk your naked fat ass onto the dirty piss and puke stained metro floor to plow? You know nobody washes that shit! How horny can you possibly be????? Now you got e.coli, salmonella, shigella and methicillin-resistant staph aureus all up in your sex organs playas! High five.

And to top things off this debauchery happened in toronto. The cops eventually came and busted up the fuckfest. I say they should have at least let them finish - if the dude came with the thunder they might have tipped over the edge vagina first onto the 3rd rail. Then they'd have to rename the station the "smoked salmon" stop.You know... cause of the smell. Public sex FAIL

Frank Breaker

I hate big bugs

I'll start off by saying I'm not a fan of insects ESPECIALLY the big ones. I've had some messed up experiences I tell you... Like in the bahamas where my grandma lives at night there are these bastard moths the size of small birds that will fly into your face without hesitation. One evening I was outside smoking with my uncle when out the darkness came this winged creature flying around like an out of control drunk. At first it seemed harmless - like it had no flight skills... It was moving towards a light about 10 feet away from me and BAM all of a sudden it pulled a serious aerial maneuver and beelined straight for my head avoiding ALL of my defenses (waving arms, kicking feet, mace, etc...) like a crack top gun pilot. BOOM! The behemoth gets all up in my business and hits me smack dab in the face leaving me covered in moth dust. I felt like I just got slimed like peter venkman in ghostbusters! Punkass moth.




By far my most fucked up bug experience was when I was a 17 and I saw one of the biggest goddamn insects of life. I was working with my friend jay at this cleaning company and we were sent out to do a wax stripping job at a daycare. Since the job took a while and the fumes from the products used were mega intense we had to do it on a weekend when no one was on the premises. Near the end of the job we were tripping balls from the chemicals... We had just finishing up mopping the stairs when I noticed a fucking MASSIVE insect about 3 inches long with wings just lying in the water residue halfway down the stairs (see artist's rendering below). Come to think of it I think it even had a mustache... I called jay to come take care of it but he was even more freaked out than me. This presented a major dilemma. I had no clue what kind of insect it was so consequently I had no clue what kind of super powers it had (all insects have super powers - they usually tricks you into thinking they can't do certain stuff like jumping/flying, biting/stinging, etc but don't fall for it). I figured since this bug wasn't moving it for sure possessed a super fast reaction time power... What if I jumped on it and missed? The monstrosity would leap up and bite my face off!!! Or what if I landed on it but it had armor of steel with which it could survive through nuclear war AND being squashed??? Jay thought the same shit... He tried calling another dude who lived up the road to come murder the thing. Dude told him to fuck off and hung up. We were on our own! Screw it I finally got the balls to handle business and to kill it. I leaped off the steps at top speed, yelled "ciao sucka" and landed on that colossal bastard with both feet. You know what happened??? It just bounced off the stairs to the bottom. IT WAS A GODDAMN FAKE INSECT! Apparently had fallen off of one of the shelves by the steps while we were working. Now you would think Id be embarrassed by this story but I'm not. At least I manned up and took care of business. When I got back upstairs I saw jay locked himself in the office and had his dumb face pressed up against the glass watching me. Plus we were pretty doped up from the chemical fumes...


Moses Gunn

Gross

This is disgusting - she shouldve stepped on it. Courtesy of jessie fever.

Frank Breaker