Friday, October 19, 2012

Ask Frank

Hey Frank - I just found out there's a ghost in my house! What should I do?

Dear Laura,

Move out fool. 

Hey Frank - Do they have strip clubs in the middle east?

Dear Gary

Yes they do. But instead of showing bare tits/cooch they show their faces. I hear there are some clubs where the ladies wear tassels on their eyes and twirl them.

Hey Frank - My moms stories are so long but I feel I have to listen to them because she pays my rent. How can I make myself look interested so I don't give up the fact that I'm bored to death?

Dear Kev

I came up with a solution to this years ago - I trim one eyebrow thinner and more curved than the other one so when people talk to me I seem like I'm genuinely interested in their shit stories. It's called feigning interest 101 my friend. I may look like I'm listening but in fact I'm actually thinking about transformers and boobs.

Or transformers WITH boobs...

Hey Frank - Is it how many calories in a snot?


Dear Miguelo,

I can't believe how many of you fools ask this question. Please refer to the following

Hey Frank - The other day I told my man to make me a sandwich and he got mad for some reason. How do I get him to drop the macho act and get him to cook for me? I like his cooking.


Dear Karen,

You came to the right place for advice on this. The problem is you gave this fella a choice. Next time tell him in a bold confident voice "make me a damn sandwich". He'll do it. Trust me! I said the same thing to my girl two days ago and she got up right away and left the apartment. I think she went to the store to get sandwich stuffs... I can't wait I bet you she comes back with the greatest sandwich of all time! 

Hey Frank - When a lady gets pregnant where does her period blood go? 


Dear Philippe

The baby drinks it. All babies live as vampires in the womb until they are born.  

Hey Frank - 4 months ago I had unprotected sex with a guy and every month I get red bumps around my vagina and mouth. What's going on?


Dear Sarah,

The guy gave you chicken pox.

Hey Frank - I gave a boy a blowjay at school yesterday. I have a dentists appointment next week and my dad is driving me - Is there anyway the dentist can tell what I did?


Dear Natasha,

Only if some of your teeth were knocked out while doing the deed.

Hey Frank - The other day I stole a cd from a music store. Before stealing it I used their bathroom and forgot to flush! Can they get my DNA from my pee? What could happen?

Dear Huey,

You are FUCKED my friend. Crime scene investigators move extremely quickly on cd theft. Standard protocol dictates that by now they should have already collected the "evidence" and at this moment are about to run your sample through the international pee database. Time to pack up your gear and head out of town before you get pinched.

Hey Frank - I'm in a relationship but this girl at my work has a thing for me. How can I get away with an office affair? She has really big jugs ;)

Dear Anonymous,

Like Nike said just do it. After the debauchery tell your co worker that you are on a top secret mission for the RCMP National Security Criminal Investigations division and she needs to keep her trap shut otherwise you'll have her arrested for terrorism.

Hey Frank - If you are pregnant and it is a girl can the baby get pregnant if you have sex again?

Dear Rayna, 

Yes! And if the baby's baby is a girl then she can get pregnant as well. This repetition will continue until one of the sub-babies gets pregnant with a boy. It's best not to have sex until the baby is born... Until then I recommend doing mouth stuff instead. 

Hey Frank - In super mario bros how does mario shoot fireballs underwater?

Dear Ryan, 

The reason why mario can shoot fireballs underwater is because they are not really fire per se. It is very scientific - mario transforms his chi (spiritual energy) into a thermal energy that has the same properties and characteristics of fire which he is able to expel from his fingertips. It is also waterproof.

Source(s): My brain.

Hey Frank - My uncle died in the living room. What do we do?

Dear Dorothy

Move his ass to the dead room.

Hey Frank - I am taking Pramipexole for cluster headaches. The more serious side effects of the drug are overeating, hyper-sexuality and compulsive gambling. Should I continue taking it?

Dear Marcus,

Yes you should keep taking it. You don't want those cluster headaches to come back do you? To combat the side effects eat a hamburger while you sex a prostitute bareback.

Frank Breaker

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