My downstairs neighbor the jackass

Here are the many reasons why my downstairs neighbor is a jackass:

-I think gravity works in reverse in his apartment. Last night it sounded like the minotaurs were dancing on the goddamn ceiling.
-his girlfriend never takes her shoes off when shes in his apartment. I cant take all that heavy clackity clack clippity clop noise of high heels on the hardwood. It sounds like he's racing horses in his kitchen... Plus I'm also convinced she's a tranny - I could've sworn I saw an adams apple on that broad. I don't think trannies are very graceful in heels... She's proof that. One day I'm going to tell him I have a carrot with her name on it if she leaves her shoes at the door.
- the bozo slams his front door MEGA hard. I swear the other day I thought he was trying to keep the devil out of his apartment.
-his sons are nice but the ugly short goblin looking one needs to stop parking his goddamn saturn so close to my jeep. Its a big fucking street he does not need to ride my bumper! I think the next time it happens I will have to break off his cheap performance stick on spoiler and put in the trash can.
-he insists on sitting in the front yard on his folding chair. Why? Just because. Come on man! The front yard is the size of a postage stamp. He just looks insane sitting there. The lawn (which is my responsibility by the way) looks like ass too.
-just now it sounded like he was building a fucking dungeon in his bedroom. What in hell's bathroom is going on down there?!

Moses Gunn