Potential winner of the 2010 Artificial Vagina Worst Video of Life Award

This disaster was in my inbox this morning...



HAHAHAHA I'm dying over here this has to be one of the most ridiculous videos I have seen this year!

“Man, forget going to club to meet something new. When I wanna meet something new, I go get me a basket and I go walk around Walmart. All the women be in Walmart, you heard me.” – Mr. Ghetto

Really??? How did this madness even come to be??? I mean where the hell are the employees? Is this an average day of shopping in the south??? Booty shorts wearing barefoot hookers popping their asses and junk all over the pharmacy and junior miss clothing sections? I'm pretty sure if this happened here the whole crew would get carted off to jail quickfast...

"She in that lingerie section, lingerie!

She in that lingerie section, lingerie!

She in that lingerie section, ugh!

She in that lingerie section!"

Those booty shorts probably stink. They should've tossed some feminine hygiene products in the cart while they were ass popping in the pharmacy. LOL this gives a whole new meaning to "roll back"!

For real this is some ignorant shit. I'm shopping at zellers from now on.

Frank Breaker

*Edit: Word to the wise - if anything this video is proof positive you need to remember to disinfect your shopping carts folks.

Calling all inventors

Calling all inventors! I need you to build me a machine that lets me punch people through the internet. Thanks in advance.

Frank Breaker

Worlds best son

Some of you may remember the quote I posted from my mom saying "This christmas the only presents I want are pictures of all of you for my photo albums ok? The gifts I normally get are useless..." Well 2 weeks ago I took her request up to 88mph and made her a t-shirt with a massive print of my dumb face in harry caray glasses. At the bottom I printed "worlds best son" (my mom would beg to differ so the statement is of course self proclaimed). I gave it to her as an early xmas present! Its jokes - she wore it the other day and told her friends she doesnt endorse the claim. Haha what a jerk

Frank Breaker

Internet win!

This guy is so epic when he cuts himself shaving win pours out of the wound. He could kill you with a giant yoyo!



Train me mr myagi! Man I wish I could do nonsensical acrobatic shit like this. I would ninja the fuck out of everybody who pissed me off.
Edit* @ finger noel - before you get any ideas in your head know the reason I say mr myagi isnt because this guy is asian but because hes a martial artist. So cool your japanese jets before you get ninja'd. Yep you read it right - Im now in training.

Frank Breaker

Whos in the house?

This everyday normal chick went to the dentist to get her wisdom teeth taken out and this video was recorded while she was still under general anesthetic. Her sister upped it to youtube and it went viral! So the formula seems to be video + drugs + tripping balls = instant internet micro celebrity. Jokes



Frank Breaker (in the house!)

My moms a crook

JESUS CHRIST I just found out my mom borrowed money off a loan shark to save her business in the 80s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shes talking with her accountant right now and she keeps saying "remember when we had to borrow money off of that dentist?". HAHAHA she keeps tossing up air quotes whenever she says "dentist"! From what I gather the transaction took place between her accountant and the "dentist" - he just showed up one day with a bag full of cash and gave it to my parents at 25% interest. Im in fucking shock right now!

A GODDAMN LOANSHARK! My mom! She always passed herself off as a halo wearing virtuous do gooder... Its actually a relief to find out shes a crook just like the rest of the family. Shes like the mom in the goonies! Mama fratelli!

Frank Breaker

"Excuse me sir but that R2 unit is in prime condition! A real bargain."

HOW BADASS IS THIS?! This photo was sent to me from the artificial vagina tokyo branch (I didnt even know we had a branch in tokyo). Anyways I want one! Sigh... between this and the star trek doors my xmas is going to be soooo expensive this year...

Darth Breaker

Back in the day part 1

This is a new segment on the artificial vagina called "back in the day" and its worthy of a late night post. You know what I just thought about? Anyone remember their backyard swing set from back in the day? The one your dad put up when you were a kid? Remember how the bastard didnt use any concrete whatsoever to reinforce the legs?! Just dug 4 holes and stuck the swingset in... Then a couple years later youre significantly taller and chunkier and you go for a "swing". You decide to swing with the power of the gods and all of a sudden the fucking swing set legs come out of the ground and youre staring death in the face! Yeah. I remember that shit. Thanks pop.

Frank Breaker

I want this for my bathroom - star trek door

Im counting all the doors in my apartment right now...

Frank Breaker

Beautiful & Very Sunny 3 1/2 = FAIL

Beautiful apartment, very sunny, top floor (3rd) of quiet, clean building. 1 closed bedroom, living room, bathroom, kitchen with fridge and stove, large picture windows, hardwood floors. Heat and hot water included. Hydro approx. $25/mo. Laundry and storage space in the building, garage and plenty of exterior parking. Located on quiet, tree-lined street in pleasant area. Easily accessible to highways 15 and 40, on bus line 124. Metro Plamondon by bus in 7 minutes, Metro Namur in walking distance, near University of Montreal. Close to all services

Saw this ad on craigslist the other day. They conveniently neglect to mention the beautiful and very sunny cemetery in back (see the second photograph)...

Apartment rental fail

Frank Breaker (Im actually thinking I want to rent this place)

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 8 My Mom

My mom: (talking about my dads birthday dinner 4 years ago)

My mom: "You know dad wants to have his birthday at amirs restaurant?"
Me: "I dont know about that I dont feel like lebanese food tonight."
My mom: "Amirs is a lebanese restaurant? Ive never had lebanese food. Haha what is it like fried dirt? See Im funny sometimes!"

My mom: (referring to a record she was about to play)

My sister: "What are you playing?"
My mom: "Im playing minding my own business."

My mom: (referring to lemon wedges she had cut for caesar salad at her bbq) "Can you believe my son wants me to throw out these lemon wedges because I got a little blood from the steaks on them? Thats crazy talk."

My mom: "This christmas the only presents I want are pictures of all of you for my photo albums ok? The gifts I normally get are useless..."

Frank Breaker

Black Stormtrooper - PYAOWWW! (blaster noise)

Im fucking dying over here this is pure jokes hahahahahahahaaaaaa! The clip has 81000 views so far I'll bet most of them are from me melting the replay button. This has been the best 2 minutes of my week... internet win all around.

Black stormtrooper: "Looky here man. That depends on how much MONAY you got" HAHA!

Courtesy of Donald Faison



"Break (pyaow) Yo (pyaow) Self! (pyaow) " HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Darth Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 7 My Mom

My mom: (to some woman at her lawyers office)

My mom: "How many months pregnant are you?"
Random woman: "Im not."
My mom: "..."

My mom: (making small talk at a dealership while waiting for her car to be repaired)

My mom: "When are you due?"
Random woman: "Oh Im not pregnant haha this is just fat!"
My mom: "So sorry!"

My mom: (to some woman at the daycare)

My mom: "Oh so joshuas going to have a little brother or sister to play with soon!"
Woman: "Im not pregnant."
My mom: "Well. Thats too bad."

My mom: (reaching to touch M's stomach)

My mom: "Are you?"
M: "No Im not pregnant..."
My mom: "Oh."
M: (trying to laugh it off) "I quit smoking so Ive gained some weight. Im so embarrassed haha!"

Sigh... Youd think she wouldve learned not to say anything by now.

Frankie Beans

*edit - I love "M". Shes funny as shit and down to earth... See she couldve been upset about what my moms said but she laughed it off. Wicked.

Freak your sneaks

This is for all the sneakerheads out there - Heres my boy PrezOne doing his thing at the Show Off Your Shoes event! Using pure brawn PrezOne has crafted 2 unique sets of deluxe interchangeable lace locks. 1st set Fresh/Dope 2nd set Real/City! Alternate between both sets to create sick combos like Fresh/Dope, Fresh/City, Real/Fresh, Real/Dope, Real/City... quantities are limited if you want to mint your kicks yall better get them fresh off the anvil!

prez one blogspot

Frankie Beans

Mega Piranha

What is this? What am I seeing?!



WOW

Schmitty

Awesome quotes overheard in random places

I like to eavesdrop. Sometimes I hear the funniest random shit... I now present a new artificial vagina blog segment called "Awesome quotes overheard in random places"
Randon guy: (On his cell phone) "They really want me to stay. Im going to ask them to, like, install a door on my cubicle. I'll finally have an office!" Overheard at daycare

Random chick: "He wanted to do anal. I was like okaaaay... lets do it." Overheard at outside Tokyo bar

Random chick: (referring to 3 amigos restaurant) "Only koreans have birthday parties in there." Overheard outside 3 amigos restaurant

Schmitty

Ultra soccer fail

If I were this guy Id just quit everything and stay home for a couple years.



Schmitty

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 6

J: (referring to a tv show where one of the characters says 'holy jesus on a stick') "Shutup! Jesus wouldnt be caught dead on a stick." - I swear she said this shit TO THE TV with a straight face. Shes so stupid hahahaha

My uncle: (referring to how stupid j is) "I dont know why I bother talking with her. Its like having a conversation with a rock."

Dave: (referring to the guys staying next to us in our hotel in L.A) "Why can't the guys next door who arent wearing shirts be chicks?"

Dave: "If I was a chick Id be the biggest lesbian of all time. And Id fuck all the dudes who dont get any. Just cause.

Dave: "I like my women how I like my filesystems - FAT and 16."

Dave:

Dave: "Im so sick Im not coming to school tomorrow. Im coughing up shit that isnt even mine."
Frank Breaker: "Next time dont swallow."

Dave: "Sex with asians is good bro. Im sure it feels the same as sexing an alien."

Johnny: (to dave) "Bro less porn, more chicks. Ok?"

Larry: (referring to a shirt tarik wore too often) "Dude youve been wearing that shirt since... well since ever."

David S: (SHITHEAD GUN NUT referring to hunting with his grandfather)

David S: "Why dont you come hunting with us next weekend?"
Frank Breaker: "Yeah no. Its not for me."
David S: "My grandfather always says all good christian men know how to shoot guns. And they go to church."
Frank Breaker: "So why dont you kill two birds with one stone and shoot guns in church?"

Virginia: (in excel class) "Gummy bears will do anything to avoid getting eaten. I just found one in the printer."

Schmitty

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 5

Thierry: (in grade 10 regarding a thin girl one of our friends was dating) "I have zero interest in that boneshack." - HAHA I still use "boneshack" to this day.

Larry: (regarding skinny james, a ex junkie friend of ours - BIZ you know who Im talking about)

Larry: "I think skinny james just shot heroin up in my bathroom!"
Frank Breaker: "Oh shit. What would you do if he ever overdosed at your place?"
Larry: "Id put him in a hockey bag and leave him on the boulevard"

My accountant: "A parent is only as good as their stupidest kid. If one my kids becomes a neurophysicist and the other gets robbed by a hooker Ive failed."

Biz: "Its/that sounds better on paper." - If you really want to piss people off say this to any idea/suggestion you dont like.

Schmitty

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 4

Schmitty: "Its all true. How do I know? Im from the internet."

Johnny: "I said yes but I didnt mean to. When you have a hard on theres a whole new government in power."

Tarik: "I like russian girls because theyre easy to impress. You can give one a pair of socks and she'll stay with you for a week. She'll be like (in a russian accent) 'you are good provider'."

Schmitty

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 3

Miguelo: (engrossed in a multiplayer game of halo we were playing)

Frank Breaker: "Dude you see him? Hes going for our flag!"
Miguelo: (after shooting the player) "Stabilized."

Johnny: "I like to use the handicap stall when I drop a deuce. You know the massive handle on the side of the toilet? I use it for torque."

My mom: (to one of my sisters) "Money doesnt grow on trees asshole."

My mom: "Remember that song kiss is on my list by holland oats?" BAHAHAAAA she thought hall and oates was one guy named holland!

Mark: "What in gods worth is going on?!"

Prez: "There goes schmitty again losing it."

Finger (in conversation with a bartender we know named chantal)

Chantal: "What can I get you?"
Finger: "Two gin and tonics."

After 5 minutes chantal comes back without the drinks and approaches another customer

Chantal: "Adam you want a shot?"
Finger: "Ill give you a shot. A shot in the face if you dont hurry up with my drinks!"

My mom: "Thats what she said." HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Schmitty

Wife carrying competition

WTF wife carrying is a sport?! HAHAHAA basically you race through an obstacle course carrying your wife on your back. The "wife" doesnt necessarily need to be married to you but she must be over 17 years old and weigh 108 lbs and up. The prize for the winners? The wife’s weight in beer, a bag full of wife carrying products(???), a statue with a wife carrying motif, and of course, worldwide fame... I almost shit myself when the racer almost drowned his wife in beginning of the video.



Schmitty

City hall station the secret subway stop

This is why I like NY there are so many forgotten spots like this

Hidden deep under new york city is a "secret" subway stop. The city hall station opened in 1904 but has been out of use since 1945. It can still be seen by riders ... if they know how to get there. The station is still used as a turning loop for 6 trains - until recently all passengers had to leave the train at the brooklyn bridge stop but now you can stay on the train and see the station as the train turns around.

The reason for its closing? Its curved tracks. New subway cars were introduced in 1945 with doors in the middle of the train. As a result when the doors would open there would be too much of a gap between the exit point of the train and the platform. There were plans to turn the stop into a transit museum but security concerns put the kaibosh on the idea. Now the only way to see it is from the train.

Fucking wicked.

Schmitty (Frank Breaker)

The most epic sport I have ever seen in my lifetime

Gents allow me to present Hurling - the fastest game played on grass. Its an irish sport that seems to be a mix of soccer, football, hockey, mental instability and crazy shit your pants speed. HOW INSANE IS THIS?! The game is played with a stick that looks like a goddamn axe! You use your "axe" to hit a small ball into a net for 3 points or through football type uprights that extend above the nets for 1 point. Watch the video - these lunatics swing their "axes" so close to each others heads theyre in danger of decapitating one another. Apparently irish immigrants have attempted to set up hurling leagues in other countries with no success. I guess everyone else is too scared and/or mentally stable to play.

Notice how the only protective gear worn is an occasional helmet here and there?! I seriously question their sanity. The irish are fucking madmen...
On second thought theyre fucking heroes. I like what I see.

Im in.



Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 2

Round 2

Biz: (referring to a stupid comment made by a friend about a pretty woman with cellulite) - "Most women have cellulite dummy thats where the realness is" BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

My mom: "Hes as happy as a pig in shit" (I still dont understand this one)

My dad: "Itll put hair on your chest" - HAHA he said this to my mom once!

Frank Breaker: (referring to a short bastard of life cashier at canadian tire) - "They should shave her bald paint her green and put her on a spaceship back to her asshole planet"

Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 1

Sometimes my friends say wicked funny shit that needs to be immortalized...

Jessie Fever: "I went from technopheliac to luddite in 60 seconds"

Finger Noel: "Im not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings"

Jon M: (referring to the zombie apocalypse) - "Thats when real is real! Youd better know whats up"

Jon M: (referring to having to pay a reconnection fee after his electricity was cut because of his landlord) - "Why should I pay for other peoples fuckery?"

Biz: (referring to a friend who offered us jamaican patties and gave us semi frozen pizza pockets instead) - "Wow! What a BWB (black white guy)"

Biz: (referring 2 of our homies, prez and finger who both want to try the kfc 'double down" sandwich) - "Bets on who gets angina first: odds are finger, 3 - 1 prez, 3.5 - 1 so far..."

Prez: (referring to bizs comment about the kfc "double down" and angina) - "I aint afraid of the reaper! I look the beast of babylon in the eye and war cry LETS GO!"

Frank Breaker: "She looks like a horse and a foot had a kid. Thats old school ugly."

Frank Breaker

Ari Up

Prez you member this from back in the day? Cmon you member!

Ari Up - mi done



New age steppers - problems



RIP Ari Up

Frank Breaker

Wicked City

Wicked city (1987) - Highly underrated anime classic! In fact its my favorite anime of all time (besides the animatrix) - it has the perfect blend of anime, sci-fi, and film noir... Its like L.A confidential meets john carpenters the thing. Check out the trailer.

2 words to remember about this movie - vagina dentata.




Frank Breaker

Another fine example of my rockstar lifestyle

This is how I woke up this morning. I guess I put the glasses on in the middle of the night. Another fine example of my rockstar lifestyle ...

"You'll end up going into town on a taxi, have a couple of drugs, have dinner, have a threesome... go home again, have a shower, go out again... more drugs... more threesomes... Happens all the time... alright?" - Murray Hewitt

Bwahahahaha!

Frank Breaker

Sweet Dee

Bwahahahaaaa! This had to be the funniest episode of its always sunny in philadelphia by far (beside the grand canyon episode season 5 episode 2). Feel free to play the video - no spoilers here. Its just a clip of dee dancing with a green guy. JOKES!
*On a side note I will learn this dance and teach it to newly divorced sexually repressed suburban housewives. Mark my words itll become the bees knees.



Frank Breaker

Gangster in Training

Something tells me the gun is real. And the mustache. I do think the soul patch might be fake though...

Frank Breaker

White Lines - Craig Ferguson

Craig feguson is a funny dude. The puppets?! Jokes. I want the shark one.



Frank Breaker *searching ebay for a shark puppet

Random video

I dont know why but this dude is killing me right now bahahaaa when he drinks the juice and looks over?! Classic



Frank Breaker

STORY OF MY LIFE - Full Course

My boy Richy "Full Course" repping my neighborhood with some hotness right here! NDG STAND UP!



For real Im feeling this. The video is dopeass too. Hero win all around

Frank Breaker

*Edit* As of this morning (10/12/10) Ive watched it 14 times. Sick!

80s throwback time

80s throwback time! My favorite police track - the beds too big without you



Album version



Frank Breaker

CAPTCHA FAIL

Haha this was outstanding! A CAPTCHA is also known as a "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart". The point of a CAPTCHA is that it cannot be deciphered/read by a computer thereby preventing spam on a given website. Recently I tried to post a comment in a forum and spent about 5 goddamn minutes trying to read the thing... when I was about to give up I pressed the reload CAPTCHA button... WHAT COMES UP? Nugger what? Bahahahaaaa the computer that generated this security key went buckwild! Skynet is self aware. And obviously down...

CAPTCHA FAIL

Regardless of that fact, I still can’t read these goddamn CAPTCHAS 50% of the time. I know I’m not the only one.

The only thing missing is the dumpster

Ahhh nostalgia... Old school NYC hookers are wicked cool! Minus the stds and heroin of course

Frank Breaker

Every Little Step - Mike Tyson & Wayne Brady

Another tyson video! Mike is wilding out in this one singing and dancing haha goddamn this guys is a hero - honestly this has to be seen to be believed. Take note of:

- Black tank tops, black boxers, suspenders, red socks, dress shoes?!?! I think Ive found my new sleeping outfit.
- Mike Tyson jump up at 2:14? bwahahaaaaa
- Bobby brown as serious as he can be on his own rap?! Why? Simmer down son

Every Little Step with Mike Tyson & Wayne Brady from Mike Tyson

Frank Breaker

Epic Celebrity Ass Analysis part 4

Mina Suvari (I dub thee "Kardashianwoman")

Now I know what a lot of you junior Assologists are thinking; how can this girl ever make it to be a subject of Assology analysis? Is she even worthy of an Assologists attention? The answer is yes. Look at her pics; there is no question that this girl has tail - theres a true bubble working out its potential here. The question is what is its classification? Personally I like to fit it in the "Undercover booty" category. This is the type of ass that goes about daily activities minding its own business - the type of bottom game that most of us are oblivious to. Lucky enough there are enough Assolologists that bring undercover booty into the light to expose it for what it is! Dont try to tell me Im wrong. I mean look at the angles in the pic named # 2. There is clearly a nice 40°>rebound slope as well as a nice entry pitch. This is another good example of a natural lift - very similar to what Amber Rose or more specifically Kim Kardashian possesses which makes me wonder if theres a possibility that Miss Suvari was bitten by a radioactive version of the latter (like the spider in Spiderman). If this is the case should Mina Suvari go by the name Kardashianwoman? Hmm... Food for thought.

See you all next month

Dr. Artificial Vagina *Assologist

"when real is real!"

Admit it youve thought or dreamt about zombies at least once in your life right? Well believe it or not I just read that there are people out there who have actually gone ahead and prepared for a zombie apocalypse! To quote my sisters boyfriend Jon "the zombie apocalypse is when real is real" and "youd better know whats up". Hahaha wicked!

Ok ok so the only time zombie attacks would actually happen are in a horror movies but what if there is ever a sudden rise of the undead? Wouldnt you want some survival info? Yes you would. Heres my list of no nos when it come to finding places to hole up and survive

Top 5 worst places to take refuge during a zombie apocalypse

1. Hospital

Mistake. More and more people come into the hospital and more and more zombies come out. If youre in the hospital during a zombie apocalypse a you might as well consider your card pulled because youre finished - you arent getting out as a living human. Period.

2. Traffic Jam

Whats the first thing most people are going to do during a zombie apocalypse? Pack up their shit and hit the road. Well too many cars on the road = congestion. Promise me you wont be one of the sheep! Rule number one with zombies is to stay away from any place where you can be surrounded, with no means of escape. Zombies can be outrun (I use old school zombie rules) but if they surround you youre pwned. If youre going to bounce by car get yourself a 4X4 and go cross country to the north dude.

3. Top floor of a Tall building

You might think being high up in a tall ass building is a primo place to be in a zombie attack - youre high up, youve stocked food and water, you can watch the mayhem below, etc. Youre dead wrong. Eventually youll have to leave the building and thats when the action starts. Are there zombies in the halls? The elevators probably wont work so youll have to take the scary ass stairs. Cross your fingers theres no zombies in the stairwell. If you do make it to the lobby pray that its been sealed up... If not youll most likely meet a zombie horde and its game over for you son.

4. Mall

A mall is no good. Yeah I know there might be some supplies there but theres are also a lot of dudes who are probably thinking the same thing as you. Plus the malls probably all got looted minute one of the outbreak... If you do insist on a mall remember one thing instead of having a few friends chilling with you youll probably have a gang of punkasses fighting over the few supplies left. Not worth it in my opinion.

5. Airport

An airport is a shitty, SHITTY place to take refuge. Especially at the terminals! Honestly theyre too big, too hard to barricade and too hard to navigate. Plus theres no weapons inside an airport except for those belonging to the handful of cops there. Also can you imagine how many people would go there in the beginning trying to get out of dodge? It would be a disaster. Fuck that noise.

Basically stay away from any place where large groups of peeps would go out of panic. I would just get out of town... Listen to iron maiden and run to the hills!

The Niceguys - Good Shepherd

This is a dope track Im really digging the beat!



Frank Breaker

Brains!!!

I have way too much time on my hands.

Frank Breaker

Mudd - 54B

Dope chill out track

Epic Celebrity Ass Analysis part 3

My favorite lady in the whole wide world - Ms. Amber Rose


Heres another classic example of an epic white booty but on another level than Kim Kardashian. This ass knocks it out of the park! I particularly like the paparazzi candids showing "the realness". Case in point - note the cottage cheese in picture number 2's analysis (click the second photo to see). No airbrush here just AR's cellulite au natural! Personally I really dislike it when magazines mask the cheese; its a critical area for assologists such as myself because thats where the true booty analysis is made. This is where gladiators are molded! I call it thunderpacker because it's where a booty thats truly worthy packs its thunder. In other words AR has "thunderpacker booty". Again AR provides a lil somthin somthin for everyone no matter if youre an ass/breast/leg/face man cause her entire package is gold. I dare you to say no! Shes a big step up from KK and in my humble opinion just a exceptional example of a masterful tail game. She is my favorite by far. Stay tuned next month for the next presentation.

By the way since kanyes gayfish do you think if I give hime enough props he'll let me take AR's ass for a test drive? VROOM VROOM SKEET all over those hills

Dr. Artificial Vagina *Assologist

Men who look like old lesbians

This link is pretty much self explanatory - and hilarious

men who look like old lesbians

Frank Breaker

Ninjas

Frank Breaker

Strut that ass

Ok heres another hilarious gregory bros autotune video entitled "strut that ass" Its basically some crazy old man who loses it over god knows what. I honestly have no goddamn clue wtf hes talking about but the track is dopeass! I want the ring tone.



"You work out the arsenal,
struttin that ass struttin that ass!
UHHH!"

HAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

heres the original



Frank Breaker* strutting that ass all over the office

Dave Sitek - Groove Me (feat. Theophilus London) Jnerio Jarel remix

Some of you may already know dave sitek of tv on the radio (one of my favorites). This track is from his upcoming solo project "maximum balloon".

Its sick



Frank Breaker

Chromeo - Dont Turn The Lights On (Christian Martin Remix)

remix of "dont turn the lights on" from the upcoming chromeo album business casual. Makes me sweat through my shirt!



Frank Breaker

4 tips on selling your soul to the devil

Ever thought about selling your soul to the devil? Read these tips before you negotiate a deal

1. Make sure to set up the deal in your favor. Pencil out a rough draft of your demands with your lawyer before your meeting with satan. Make sure to go over the finer details of the contract - specifically the part where you burn in hell for eternity (see tip # 4)

2. Remember you are in a position of power. Dont underestimate the devils desire! He wants your soul very, very, badly and will pay anything to get it. Trick him into making the first offer then up the ante.

3. Max out your souls worth. Remember theres no point in doing this if you dont do it right because youre going to burn in hell for eternity. For example dont just ask for the hottest chick to fall madly in love with you - up the stakes and demand 200+ chicks. Youll thank me for this one - youll be able to pick and choose your date on the daily depending on your mood (or shoes).

4. Life extension clause. Heres where you can try to beat satan at his own game - in the fine print make sure to have your lawyer include a life extension clause for as long as you like. Satan wont tell you this is possible if you dont ask! You can guarantee to live as long as you like before succumbing to eternal damnation. Why enjoy a mere 100 years of rock star living when you can get 1000 plus? Think about it.

Frank Breaker

PRGz (Paper Route Gangstaz)

This track is quite fresh - stop n go produced by my man diplo!



Heres another dopeass track - bama gettin money



Frank Breaker

Dilla Rock On

Goddamnit dilla!!!! From donut shop. This is some sick shit right here





Dont jack my dilla rock on design! Im gonna put it on a shirt soon.

Frank Breaker

Antoine Dodson: Bed Intruder

Ive been lolling at this stupidness for a couple days and debated whether or not I should post it. You know what? This dude brings a bit of hero so enjoy!

hide your kids hide your wife and hide your husband too cause they rapin errybody out hurr

bwahahaa!!



I wonder what the rapist thinks of this? Do you think he wants a cut of the profits? If it wasnt for him antoine dodson wouldnt be famous right now. 7 million hits on youtube!

*addendum*

I showed the video to biz and prez and neither of them believed the footage was from a real newscast so Im posting the original for all the nonbelievers



Frank Breaker

Nike steps up to the plate

The gentlemen writing copy at nike are on point this month. Big and round like the letter C?! I concur! This is further proof for non believers (like finger noel, most white dudes and all the other "beckys") that the big ass love culture has finally taken over. Remember 18 years ago the chick in this ad wouldve had a pancake ass! This is where we assologists give props where props is due - Sir mix a lot was a pioneer in bringing big bottoms into popular culture. I say the american government should give him a tax break for his contribution to society.




Frank Breaker

More Zach Anner

What a hero! I cant promote him enough. Here's the trailer for a web series zach stars in called "the wingmen" also starring jordan crowder, and chris demarais. I just finished watching the latest episode and I tell you I laughed so hard I puked a bit on my shirt. My stomach hurts.



Frank Breaker* laughcramped

Zach Anner internet win of the month

Zach Anner is jokes! This dude is seriously too funny I give him the internet win this month



AM LOLLING "no mountain is too high, no volcano is too hot and no atlantis is too underwater or fictional!!!!"

Zach rolls over texas



Frank Breaker* laughcramped

A MUST SEE: FIRST CLASS SEATS FOR DIRT CHEAP

I decided to do some research on this after I got bumped to first class on a recent trip to L.A. I think it was because I was rocking a fresh suit and tie. Note* always rock a suit when traveling! Biz and I had this conversation last night you command all kinds of respect. Anyways apparently every domestic airline offers discount first class tickets on planes (called "Y-Up" or "Q-Up" fares). They are 30 - 75% cheaper than the full price for a first class ticket - and sometimes even cheaper than coach

They are only for traveling in Canada and the U.S. According to FareCompare.com (travel site that tracks over discounted first class airfares) the masses dont know about Y-Ups cause they are published to look like coach for accounting purposes - the ticket code is economy but the seats are in first class. Airlines make more cash because first class seats normally go unused. I think this is what happened in my case - I was bumped even though there was all kinds of room in coach.

*Y-Up airfares are almost always available, even on full flights, peak days and times (Mondays, Fridays, Sundays, holidays) or last-minute trips.

*To purchase a ticket, contact the airline directly. And remember to ask for a Y-Up fare as many ticket agents will not offer it unless asked specifically!

*Before booking a Y-Up fare, make sure all your connecting flights have a first class cabin.

Frank Breaker

Epic baseball win

This is the most amazing catch Ive ever seen in baseball!!!!!!!!! The dude has spiderman skills


EMBED-Spiderman Style Baseball Catch - Watch more free videos

Frank Breaker

The world is coming to an end

THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END! We all know how the cosmetic industry markets products to women with the purpose of deceiving men right? If you dont know lets take a closer look. Here are a few examples

- make up (accentuates facial features)
- foundation (covers up imperfections)
- wonderbra (fake sweatermeat)

My friends take a look at the newest form of trickery "booty pop panties". This product is aimed at giving flat bottomed women an ass thats more desirable. Now am I the only one who sees the problem with this?! Its fraud! Has no one thought out the consequences of this? Heres a scenario: you meet a chick and her booty pop at a bar, go to her spot and boom find out she has absolutely no bottom at all. What do you do? I would not be a happy camper. If this shit catches on Im going to market a product to men called "cock rock shorts". Basically its a pair of boxer briefs with a 12 inch dildo attached. Picture this setup: I sport a pair of cock rock shorts in my slacks, pick up a girl, bring her back to my spot, "excuse" myself to the can, removing the fake snake, and come back buck naked 5 to 6 inches shy of what she expected. Undoubtedly she'll stay but the whole time she'll be like wheres the beef?! Thats not bad actually... Im going to patent that shit before any of you fools steals the idea



Seriously this is a dangerous creation. Imagine booty pop panties combined with the wonderbra, make up, mascara, etc... once its all removed youll find youve basically been bamboozled by a 10 year old boy. Wars will ensue! Looks like george costanza when he put that big ass wallet in his pocket.

Ladies just do it the old fashioned way - eat biscuits and gravy or have a baby.

Frank Breaker

Virtual Nintendo Entertainment System

Missing your old school gen 1 NES? Check this out virtual NES

Click the link and get on that contra, mega man, tecmo Bowl, super Mario Bros, etc.. ! They have a shitload of other games you can play all online and for free

Im going to get my lifeforce on right now (if you remember lifeforce you get 10 extra cool points)

Frank Breaker

2010 Kia Soul Commercial

This is a cool video - hamsters rocking out to "the choice is yours" (black sheep). This was my favorite track in highschool! Makes me want to buy a toaster. Courtesy of Finger Noel and Kia



Frank Breaker

Scooter fail

Hahaha! Did he died?!





Frank Breaker *rolling on the floor laughing and kicking kids

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II trailer

THIS WILL BE EPIC

Nuff said.



Darth Breaker

Paul Cargnello and The Frontline - Corbeau et cygne (featuring Karma Atchykah & Dodecahedron)

My boys Paul Cargnello, Dodeca, and Karma! Its a wicked track and the video came out nice too. Paul called me last week and asked me to be in the video too but I was going out of town that weekend ({}). Anyways what the fuck would he have had me do at the end of the song?! Im not a producer or rapper... Come to think of it Im glad I couldnt do it these 3 bastards wouldve made me look terrible. 34 years old and I have no effing talent or discernible skills to speak of (well I do but nothing worth mentioning...).

I probably wouldve just stood there looking pretty.
Video courtesy of Jessie



Frank Breaker *feeling shitty but looking pretty

Clark and Michael: asshole to elbow

Michael Cera is jokes. How did his shirt come off so fast? Bwahaha!





Frank Breaker

Worst idea of life contender

Heres a new contender for the "worst idea of life". Theyre called "winkers". Seriously?! How much time did the creator spend looking at bottoms before he came up with this shit idea? Can you imagine what his business plan was like?! Biz pointed out that theres a "patent pending" on the clip. Patent pending?! On drawing talking ducks and eyes on ass cheeks? Did this dude actually think that his idea was so hot someone would want to steal it? I wonder how the patent application went haha

"Patent submission - standard pair of pants with various artwork drawn on the buttock area. The purpose of this invention is to attract an individual/groups gaze via the artworks (ex: eyeballs, duck mouths, etc...). As the wearer walks/runs, an alternating fold is formed under each buttock. Through the repetition of walking the artwork will appear to be animated..."

For christ sake a patent costs several thousands of dollars. I hope this guy goes bankrupt.



Frank Breaker

World Cup Fail

If anyone saw Sundays england/germany match they would remember the assistant refs extremely bad call. Basically england was robbed a legitimate goal that would have been an equalizer - if the goal had been allowed the game may have ended differently and england may not have lost. I mean I know they played like shit the first half but the goal wouldve given them more motivation to win!



Then there was the goal that was allowed during the argentina/mexico game. The player who heads the ball into the net was offside... Again the assistant ref effs up and this time allows the goal. Bullshit man. I know for me when it comes to offsides its not often clear but the assistant ref should be able to make the correct call. Its his goddamn job.



In my opinion this proves FIFA needs to implement goal line technology asap - at least before world cup 2014. Apparently the organizers dont see it that way and are planning to add 2 more assistant refs. Goddamn idiots. Why cant they use replay footage for verification?!

Easter Bunny

This is effing hilarious. It reminds me of the time my bougie mom decided to get fancy with dinner years ago. She cooked a goddamn rabbit... the hilarious part is it was easter... That was pure jokes! She killed the easter bunny

HAHAHAHA





Frank Breaker

Tiger in the hole

BWAHAHAHAAAA!! Tiger rocks.

Frank Breaker

Oh Sookie - True Blood

Oh jesus! This is epic - Snoop is jokes son! LMAOOO bring ya friend tara I got plenty of eggs for her and it comes wit a whole lotta grits n cheese

BWAHAHA!!!



Vampire Frank

Epic Celebrity Ass Analysis part 2

This booty is good; proportionally extremely nice. This is an example of what Professor Dukes (aka BIZ) and myself call "shelf booty". KKs ass is unique and perfect for todays ass analysis. First off we all know KKs ass cannot be stopped and she doesnt even try to contain it. She knew when she bought that bathing suit that her bikini panties had no chance containing that beast! She did it on purpose - probably even let the paparazzi know where she was going swimming. She also has what I now call a "double clench booty"; shes not using any external tricks like the no ass chicks do to pump up that ass like wearing extremely high heels, horizontal stripes, ass padding or tight "bra type" jeans. Shes basically naked and her bottom just floats in the air which means that both ass cheek muscles clench up on their own (hence the double clench). However some believe her ticket to fame should be revoked cause her ass is fake. Let me ponder on that for a second... Nope! Its money well spent. I'll take it...

Please tune in next month for our next subject for analysis: One of my favorite ladies in the world - Ms. Amber Rose.

Dr. Artificial Vagina *Assologist

Wu Pizza

My kind of pizza son

Frank Breaker *Pizzologist

Notes from Chris

Notes from Chris is an original project started by Todd Lamb. Basically he posts miscellaneous notes around NYC from a weird dude named Chris who wants to do random shit with people. Theyre funny as shit

More notes from Chris

Frank Breaker

Bumblebee beats Optimus Prime

Bumblebee beat the shit out of Optimus in this wicked stop motion clip. This is truly badass entertainment! Courtesy of Patrick Bovin




Frank Breaker

Ever wanted to be evil?

Lust, greed, debauchery... Your favorite hobby can now be a lifelong career! If you have ever considered become an agent of evil but didnt quite know where to start then the following guide is for you.

step by step guide to joining the forces of darkness

I myself am interested in living a wretched life of scum and villainy

Darth Breaker

Barack Obama in Whoomp There It Is video

If its really Obama then his status just jumped from Hero to God in my books



Frank Breaker

Keep it Fresh at da office

My boy PrezOne's new product the "Fresh" tie clip. Visit his blog for more products PrezOne

Hero Win!

Frank Breaker

Smoking baby

A smoking baby?! This is disturbing. Apparently he smokes up to 2 packs a day! He even does all the hardcore smoker moves - letting the smoke creep, flipping the cigarette around his fingers, etc... This has epic parent fail written all over it



Frank Breaker

Tea with Tyson

What happened to Mike Tyson?! He used to be the biggest badass on the planet! After watching this I felt like I was in the goddamn twilight zone. Seriously wtf is going on? He actually spends over a minute discussing his relationship with Cannoli... I laughed so hard I almost threw up when he turns to the camera at 2:21 and says “You clogger you”.

Chock Full of Win or Chock Full of Fail this video can go either way



BWHAHAAAA! The background music killed me too

Frank Breaker *lost in space

Finger on his way to work

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! I finally got that video of finger up on youtube this dude is effing crazy! This wins the internet!





Frank Breaker *Laughcramped