We cool now, right?

The cure for stupidity remains elusive

Stupidity is on the rise. According to a recent statistical report (that I created) there has been a dramatic increase in the number of brainless people walking the earth. Here are my results:

International Stupidity Trend

NOTE: According to experts (myself) close to 1/3 of the world's population (32.7%) has gotten stupider over the past 20 years.

NOTE: No country presented in the 2012 data had a prevalence of stupidity less than 20%.

NOTE: Adjustments have been made variable factors such as globalization, inflation, solar flares, taco tuesdays, global warming, Daylight Savings Time and daytime talk shows.

Simple enough the growing trend is partly due to intelligent people having less children than the obtuse. According to me most dummies grow up, fuck other dummies without rubbers, have unwanted pregnancies, and fuck some more. Then their dimwitted offspring repeat the cycle. It needs to stop! Let's take care of this shit before it gets too far out of control. We need more chlorine in the gene pool folks! My suggestion is a long term solution that will bring positive results - let's stop putting obvious warning labels on dangerous products. Accidents are bound to happen more frequently and thick headed folk will eventually die off.

Example:

I tell you why I'm ranting about this shit right now. I just read an article on the stupidest hobby of life. It's called "mermaiding". What the fuck is mermaiding you ask?

"Mermaiding is a fandom in which a woman (or more rarely a man) either buys or makes a mermaid tail for the purpose of swimming in pools, lakes, or just posing on the rocks, usually while being photographed."

WTF?! Why would you do this? Even worse why would you tell people about it? Who came up with this fuckery?

Here's the article

"An Australian woman ­has left her job to pursue her real dream of becoming a mermaid.

After seeing a video online on 'mermaiding,' Mermaid Ayla (as she introduces herself) was inspired to create her own tail, purchase a monofin and learn the all-important dolphin kick, necessary for any budding mermaid."

As Mermaid Ayla mentions in the video, there are hundreds of people around the world who spend their free time as mermaids and mermen, swimming in pools and open bodies of water (a quick search for "mermaiding" on youtube will give you an idea of how they do it). Many also train themselves to be more mermaid-like by holding their breath in order to stay under water longer. While the community of merfolk in the world isn't very large, they are a well-connected and active group. Mermaids and mermen can be found connecting online at MerNetwork where they share tips on making and buying tails, as well as discussing community events like the annual MerConvention (MerCon for short) in Las Vegas. During MerCon, the group will honour merfolk with the World Mermaid Awards, held for the first time last year."

WTF?! They have conventions? Incidentally shouldn't merfolk hold their conferences somewhere on the beach close to water? Las Vegas is in the middle of the desert. Fools can't even get that right. FAIL. And this lady actually quit her job for this shit??? She needs a reality check upside the head pronto!

Fucking crack pot.

EDIT: She's cheating! SHE HAS TWO LARGE FLOATATION DEVICES. I honestly thought one of her Mer Mams was gonna pop out for a second.



EDIT: Insert corny Bonya-esque joke - "I wonder what the pay 'scale' for being a mermaid is?"

Tomorrow I'm quitting my job to pursue my dream of becoming a robot. In preparation I'm going to swallow a gang of wires, microchips and batteries at lunch.

...

Forget the robot idea. I have a feeling ingesting batteries will have a negative effect on my body. Instead I've decided to become a centaur. Ladies looooove centaurs.


When I'm a centaur I'm going to stomp all mermaids out.



Hobby fail.

Frank Breaker *Mermaid Stompa

Clothes Fail

I don't understand how some people can look at themselves in the mirror and think "damn I look good today - I should go out into the world and show off ". This post is dedicated to all of those delusional douchebags who've gone WAY off the spectrum of reality.



She's smiling because right now her vagina just got tickled by the family of gerbils living in her pants.


Meanwhile back in santa's workshop...
WAIT A SEC! Do the stripes on her bag match her hair and shoes too????????????????????????


Don't fret dude! I don't think any ladies are worried.


This is the worst case of elephant knuckle (male camel toe) that I've seen in a while. You'd think once his testes switched sides he'd realize these aren't skinny jeans.


Just looking at this photo makes me want to go get a penicillin shot. Na I'm kidding. I'm sure she can count the number of dudes she's slept with on one hand. Provided she's using a calculator...



That day she used a construction crane to pull her shorts on.


The one on the right kind of looks like a ninja turtle villain. I think his name is be bop.


Why? In what universe is it normal to go out dressed like this? This one is making my brain hurt. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - Gandolf the Grey


These shorts are so tight I doubt this girl is ever going to the bathroom again. Wait! Her shirt says she's an upgrade? An upgrade from what??????



...
WHAT THE FUCK?! I'm so rattled by this image I don’t even think I can come up with a decent caption for this. You're on your own.

Um...
Just because they make the material doesn't mean it has to be used.


Looks like her stockings barfed up her skirt shirt.



Look what a person straight from cartoon land can do!



I’m having some trouble understanding what’s going on here... I doubt she even owns a mirror. Or a bra.


Hottest chick in the game huh? I assume the game is rigged.


3 reasons why this dude isn't out raping somebody right now
1) He's too broke to buy/rent a white van
2) He lacks the upper body strength needed to violate a person.
3) His potential prey can see him coming a mile away


This guy has thirty something semi employed middle class douchebag who gets drunk on his parents' money written across his face. I believe he also masturbates himself raw to tranny porn.


Observe - her booty looks like a garbage bag full of video cassettes.



Looks like her skin is trying to swallow up every piece of clothing she's wearing.

This dude's all like “let me make my proportions look as fucked up & weird as possible so I get more attention.” Either that or he just shit his pants and is trying to keep the mess as far away from his crotch as possible.



This dude's outfit is playing a game of charades with us, and it's secret phrase is "I'm gay." Straight up this outfit is REALLY good at charades.



This he/she is out of control but that's ok cause the true sign of a great hipster is not being able to determine their gender...



Dude. Stay home and try again tomorrow.


This shit looks like it was made out of a pink garbage bag that she tied off at the waist with a twist tie.



This dude is obviously wanted by the cops. And not because he's a menacing criminal but because he's dangerously out of touch with reality. Count dracula looking motherfucker.


High waisted '80's jean shorts combined with a bra and table cloth jacket = straight up mess.


This dude just stepped out of that bar scene in star wars.


So did she.


Ladies meet Larry Fruithandler. He enjoys consuming large amounts of coffee, eating children's cereal and long strolls down the coast to "coolville".

These are not shorts. I think he somehow lost most of his pants on on his way to the party. Possibly to a dog or in a fight with a homeless person. Maybe he was so trashed he only realized the next day that this was his look the previous night? Hmm... Yeah I doubt that.


This douchebag woke up in his apartment (i.e oversized van parked in a parking lot) thinking "today I'm dressing too cool for school". Unfortunately in the real world his clothing choice screams "I'm lost in space and I'm not aware that I look like a complete dickhead". I'll bet he also smokes some form of hard to obtain foreign cigarettes (i.e gauloises) because he's convinced it really pulls his look together.

Fucking crackpots.

Frank Breaker

Cruises

Ok people! My girl and I have been thinking about possibly taking a cruise this year. I’ve never been on one and for the first time yours truly (Frank Breaker), is asking the questions.

- Will I get sea sick? What is sea sickness??? If I get it will my genitalia be safe?

- Will I be invited to dine at the captains table? If so will I need a classy dinner jacket or some stylish cardigan slash bow tie combo?

- Can I call the captain “cappy”? Will he be a corn cob pipe smoking weathered surly type?

- If I get off the boat for an excursion is it possible to miss the boat back to the other boat?

- Can I go shark fishing? If so are there facilities on board where I can clean and cook my catch?

- If my boys biz, prez and bonya become stowaways where can they sleep? Not in my room... I hear the cabins are so small you have to go outside to fart because there's no room for the extra air.

- What time is dinner?

- Is there a conference room and internet access for temporary sea bound artificial vagina office?

- Can I carry a pistol on board for protection? I hear there are no laws on the open seas.

- Can I stand beside the diving board and say “walk the plank” to every passenger who uses it?

I figure this is a good subject to discuss on the vag. So let’s talk cruise ships! Specifically lets talk about this disaster that’s been in the news lately

Francesco Schettino captain of the Italian liner Costa Concordia that sank 2 weeks ago.

Let’s begin with the fact this hero sunk a MASSIVE billion dollar boat. How? By driving it into land. I’m not a sailor but I’m pretty sure DIRT is up on the top 5 things you want to avoid when driving a boat. And then after crashing he tip toed out the door! Isn’t there a nautical phrase/rule that says the captain always goes down with the ship???? This dude was like ‘fuck that noise I’m out’ and bounced. The coast guard even told him to go back to the ship - he refused!!! The cruise line should have known he would abandon ship at the first sign of trouble - the following photo was sent to us from the artificial vagina Italy office. Apparently this is Francesco boat racing last summer

Come to think of it I’d probably do the same… I mean if that rule really does exist then the “women and children first” rule exists too right? If so I’m packing a wig, dress and clipper in my luggage. There is NO way I’m swimming to shore. There are fish and shit in those waters waiting to nibble at my testes. Not to mention the sharks.

Coincidentally the ship sank close to the 100 year anniversary of the titanic sinking. Maybe the captain was a huge fan of the movie he decided to stage his very own re enactment?

EDIT: Now some chick Domnica Cemortan claims she was with the captain on the bridge and defends him saying he worked tirelessly and "saved over 3000 lives". Apparently she was dining with "colleagues" in the ship's restaurant when the ship hit the reef. Then she was “summoned” to the bridge to translate instructions for passengers, since she speaks several languages. That's some major league bull shit. According to the wait staff in the restaurant she had been dining with the captain himself! He probably invited her to the bridge to shoot a shot across her bow (nautical terminology).

The captain was like: “Mingaaa ohhhhh! You ah ona da bridge wid ah da captain how about you play da flute on ah my canole? Watch ah me steer while you blow my... Ah shit! Baddaboom I hit ah da rocks! Stop ah da suck an help me with ah my pantalones!!! I think I cacagatz in my underwears! I have ah to get off da ship pronto.

I guess you can say she went down on his ship. Prime example that sometimes boating and sexing don’t mix. But then again beggars can’t be cruisers. Haha.

Frank Breaker

This tattoo is chock full of fail

"Tat my name on you so I know it's real
Tat my fuckin name on you so I know it's real
I know it hurts, but I ain't tryna hear it
Cause when I'm not around, I still be there in spirit"

Drake

Check out superfan over here - can you believe this space cadet actually walked into a tattoo parlor, chose a font and had "drake" tattooed across her forehead??? She paid to have this done! She got her 15 minutes of fame and a lil bit of drake attention, but now what? It doesn't get much realer than this... She should celebrate with a glass of bleach.

Honestly this fails on all levels in life. I guess you can say she gave drake some head hahahaha

She was ugly anyways. The tattoo ups her value.

Frank Breaker

*Edit: Is she really that thick headed or is this a ploy so she can sue drake blind for influencing her?

Tea with Tyson

What happened to Mike Tyson?! He used to be the biggest badass on the planet! After watching this I felt like I was in the goddamn twilight zone. Seriously wtf is going on? He actually spends over a minute discussing his relationship with Cannoli... I laughed so hard I almost threw up when he turns to the camera at 2:21 and says “You clogger you”.

Chock Full of Win or Chock Full of Fail this video can go either way



BWHAHAAAA! The background music killed me too

Frank Breaker *lost in space

Sex Ad Fail

!!!

Jesus H Christ now Ive seen everything! I lolled at this one so much I cant lol no more... Imagine this shit works? The border on this piece of awesomeness is amazing!!! Hahaha "Rap, Rap, Rap" haha! He saw Tina Turners son 7 times?! How does that sweeten the deal?

Chock Full of Fail.

Frank Breaker*laughcramped

Hockey fan fail

???

This was taken today outside of my house minutes before tonights Montreal - Philly game. Why would anyone do this?! Put an electrical tape message on the side of your drive?! In the immortal words of Ed Lover: Cmon son!

What a hero!

Frank Breaker