Ask Frank

Hey Frank - Why is it that we never see a black or asian couples adopting white children?

Because white kids are crazy. That's why white people adopt blacks and asians.

Hey Frank - There was a report on the news last night on what to eat to prevent pregnancy but I missed the actual report. What can I eat to prevent pregnancy?

Penis.

Hey Frank - I think I want a baby. What should I do?

Get one of those water expanding animals (i.e magic grow lizards) and stick it in your uterus. Wait 9 months and viola! You'll give birth to your very own multicolored kimodo dragon.


Hey Frank - What is the eye of horus?

Horus is an ancient a sky god whose eyes are the sun and the moon. He watches you 24 hours a day. Even when you masturbate... He's a giant pervert.

Hey Frank - How far is earth from the polaris star?

The polaris star is exactly 6.2 parstacles away. Now you may be asking yourself what a parstacle is (par·sta·cle/ˈpärstakəl/) - it is an astronomical unit of distance invented by yours truly. . Yep 6.2 parstacles is the answer. I'm right - I can't give you the measures so you can convert 6.2 parstacles to metric or imperial units so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Hey Frank - What is the former name of tunesia?

Tatooine.

Hey Frank - What did the romans used to wear?

Dirty sheets and those uber lesbian sandals. I think they're called birkenstocks.

Hey Frank - Do most ukrainians live in the city or country side?

Most live in caves or other subterranean dwellings. Numerous tales about them are recorded throughout history in which they are described as being extremely old, mean and slow moving. They are also known to be man eaters and they sometimes turn to stone upon contact with sunlight.

Hey Frank - Does caffeine get you high?

Yes! It gives you a serious buzz. The best way to ingest it is to either snort or smoke it.

Hey Frank - Why did the vikings come to north america?

For the beer and chicks. Have you ever seen what a viking chick looks like? Blech! No thank you.

Hey Frank - Where do crabs live? Do they live in water?

Haven't I already answered this one? They live in dirty people's pants.

Hey Frank - What would a knight get in return for his services?

Sexual favors. For example if he was able to slay the village dragon he would be presented with the key to the king's daughter's chastity belt for a night of plowing. He would also get a ride around the royal castle in the royal coach whilst wearing the royal robes whilst skeeting on the royal entourage.

Hey Frank - How do I hook up with a girl? I'm a girl by the way...

Well you have come to the right place for advice on chicks! The key is to be a bastard. Chicks dig bastards because bastards don't turn off the sexuality. First look at the girl you want as prey to a predator. After staring her down for 20 minutes or so her defenses will be weakened. Approach her with as much confidence as possible making sure to ooze machismo feminismo from every pore. Ask her out tell her you and her are going out for a nice dinner at a semi classy bring your own wine restaurant. It's natural that she'll be nervous so don't forget to bring a few bottles of the cheap stuff with you. At dinner take charge and order her meal for her. Make sure to talk about yourself all evening (chicks dig that). Be sure to refill her wine glass every time she goes to the can! When you drop her off invite yourself in for coffee. After that you're on a one way trip to plow city... Population 2.

Frank Breaker