More Ask Frank

Hey Frank - I think my boyfriend might be in the closet. All 3 times we had sex I noticed his eyes were always closed. How can I tell if he is a gay? Is there a test?

Yes there is. You will need to build an electromagnet pronto! You need:

• A large iron nail (about 3 inches)
• About 3 feet of THIN COATED copper wire
• A fresh D size battery
• Some paper clips or other small magnetic objects

Here’s what you do:

1. Leave about 8 inches of wire loose at one end and wrap most of the rest of the wire around the nail. Try not to overlap the wires.

2. Cut the wire (if needed) so that there is about another 8 inches loose at the other end too.

3. Now remove about an inch of the plastic coating from both ends of the wire and attach the one wire to one end of a battery and the other wire to the other end of the battery. See picture below. (It is best to tape the wires to the battery - be careful though, the wire could get very hot!)

4. Now you have an ELECTROMAGNET! Put the point of the nail near a few paper clips and it should pick them up!

Now look at your boyfriend and check his reaction. If he’s busy sucking penis then he’s gay.

Hey Frank – Why do cheap sunglasses last forever?

The rule is sunglasses under $10.00 (CAD) never get lost. This fact is a universal physical constant. I tested it out myself – I bought some sunglasses from the dollar store, drove to the Old Port (montreal) and hurled them into the st laurent river. A couple days later I opened my sock drawer and there they were.

Hey Frank – I made jesus shaped cookies and ate them all last night. Does this mean I’ve received the body of Christ?

Sure.

HEY FRANK – I ACCIDENTLY TURNED ON CAPS LOCK ON THE KEYBOARD AT MY OFFICE. THE PROBLEM IS THE KEYBOARD IS FRENCH AND I’M ENGLISH SO I CAN’T UNDERSTAND THE KEYS. HOW DO I SWITCH THE CAPS LOCK OFF? I DON’T UNDERSTAND FRENCH

I HAVE THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM! I’VE LEARNED TO LIVE WITH IT – YOU SHOULD TOO.

Hey Frank - Are freckles contagious?

Of course they are! They are severe and permanent. For your own sake don’t go near any gingers lest you become one. I’ve heard they don’t have souls and only drink gingerale.

PS: they also have fire crotches.

Hey Frank - Is David blaine’s magic real?

Yes. He can really read minds so stop talking about him before he uses his psychic powers to assault us with mind bullets.

Hey Frank - My girl farted while having sex should I break up with her? Ordinarily I wouldn’t ask but it smelled like a dead skunk that crawled out of another skunk…

It depends. How big are her tits?

Hey Frank - what things did you do as a teenager that you covered up so well your dumb parents never figured out?

I used to stay out past my curfew and when it got really late I would call my house. My mom would answer and I’d say “its ok mommy I got it go back to bed.”

Frank Breaker