Office Space - Bill Lumbergh Quotester

Frank Breaker

Cop Out - Paul Hodges Quotester

Frank Breaker

Goodfellas - Tommy Devito Quotester

My new thing - combination Quotes and Poster. I call it a "Quotester"




Classic.

Frank Breaker

The Salvation Navy

I almost gave some change to some dude collecting money for the homeless but I held back when I saw his sign.

He almost got me. Bastard.

Frank Breaker

Shark Attacks

I love shark week

I was watching a shark week special this morning and picked up on something that I need to rant about. Shark attacks. Why do people always act like the impossible just occurred when they get bitten?? It is pure arrogance to assume that all other species should yield to humans because we are the dominant species... You got bitten by a shark because you breached his territory jackass! That's like going into a southern hillbilly's yard and acting surprised when he grabs his pistol and shoots you. How do you avoid the situation? Don't go into southern hillbillies yards. Same goes for sharks. You want to survive a shark attack??? Don't swim in the ocean. 97 percent of all shark attacks take place in massive bodies of water (i.e: oceans). If you follow this rule you'll never have to tango with one of those toothy bastards.

Unless they learn how to walk on land...





Until I learn how to do this move I'm sticking to swimming pools.





Frank Breaker

Charlie's death

HAHAHA so chuck lorre is actually going through with it and killing off charlie sheens character on two and a half men. Apparently the season premiere is going to kick off with "uncle" charlie's funeral and all of the attendees will be the slew of girls he plowed onscreen throughout the 8 years he was on the show.

HAHAHA Fucking charlie sheen! Well at least he'll be able to see what his own funeral will look like.



Frank Breaker

PS: The best "sheenism” to this day? “Tiger Blood". What a hero...



What is tiger blood? Exactly what it sounds like.

Are charlie sheen and tigers similar in any way? Not in the least.

How do the tigers feel about all this? They love it. They really do. They don't mind being compared to the sheen - they want to live extra terrestrial rockstar lifestyles too.

Bad chinese

I had the worst chinese food for lunch yesterday. I couldn't even bring myself to feed the leftovers to baxter (my dog). Not because it tasted terrible mind you (I've seen him eat paper like it was fillet mignon) but because I think it would result in cannibalism.

Frank Breaker

Time travel tales

Since I fixed my 85 Fiero Gt Time Machine I've been going back in time on a regular basis "observing" events and meeting cool peeps (see photo below).




Now it's time to make some goddamn changes! My newest time travelin' mission is to go back in time and find the dude that invented the "high 5" and give him a high 5 just as he's about to do it for the first time. It'll blow his fucking mind.



Then I'm going to germany sometime in the 1930's so I can spit the biggest glob of spit/phlegm in hitlars mustache. Then I'll kick the douchebag in the teeth and run.

Then I'm going back to 1996 for a scheduled meeting with myself to give myself the idea to create an internet search engine. By the time I get back to 2011 I'll be oprah rich

That's the plan.

Frank Breaker - Time Traveler
Douchebag kicker

I want to go to the grand canyon

I want to go to the grand canyon so I can pee off the edge into the great abyss. Seriously can you imagine how amazing that would be? As the serene landscape fills me with wonder and awe, I'd be filling it with pee. Fresh air drafting over your manhood and no pee sound whatsoever! Ladies you can do it too just bring a friend and hold onto your hands tight while you do the deed.




Awesomesauce

Frank Breaker

Pet Peeve #207

Pet Peeve # 207 - People who run the tap when they go to the bathroom. This has annoyed me for years. I suspect that people who are guilty of this have some degree of performance anxiety. Letting the tap run MAY cover up most deuce commotion (i.e. farts, various plops/splashes, grunts and groans, swearing, wiping, etc...) but they must realize it also attracts attention to what's happening in the bathroom? By turning on the tap people outside of the can get the message "I'm in here dropping a deuce!". Then there's also all of the water that is wasted. Nobody actually cares that you're in there shitting - everybody does it you douchebags! Please refer to the following for reference.

Apparently even apples poop.

On the other hand there are some people at opposite end of the spectrum - some seasoned pros go to the can making all kinds of racket shooting off farts like fireworks at a goddamn deuce juice celebration! They even go as far as opening the can door to carry on conversations. WRONG! I call them "shameless shitters" Don't be that guy either.

Frank Breaker

PS: In researching this I read that some women in Japan constantly flush the toilet in order to mask the deuce commotion. That's fucking madness a toilet uses between 13 and 20 liters of water per flush!! Also personally I wouldn't relish the idea of a whirling vortex of deuce underneath me. Anyways I've come up with some alternatives.

Mask your deuce commotion by:

- eating a bag of kettle chips while you're in the can.
- play a radio while you're in the can
- turn on your car alarm while you're in the can
- yell loudly while you're in the can
- snore while you're in the can
- blow a rape whistle while you're in the can
- make margaritas while you're in the can
- use an air horn while you're in the can
- fire off a pistol while you're in the can
- yodel while you're in the can

Some douchebag tried to touch my dreadlocks today

Okay it happened again. I'm at reno this morning and some chick comes up to me all "oooooo I love your hair how long did it take you to grow it is it hard to wash blah blah bok bok bok..." (I tuned her out at that point). Then she asks "Can I touch it?” and reaches forward towards my hair without waiting for my response. I backed up and told her "no way back up off meee man". Can you believe she was shocked that I said no???????????? The look on her face was like I just told her her husband smokes cocks in his spare time. Then this goddamn croc n khaki wearing abercrombie and fitch asshat has the nerve to give me attitude! She starts asking more questions looking for some sort of acceptable explanation - "I seriously cant touch your hair? Why not?

WTF?? I'm like did this fuckface actually ask me why she couldnt touch my hair? All I could see was red. I told her "a) I don't know you from a hole in the ground and b) I said no!" I'm not a goddamn traveling circus. Then she says "I'd let you touch my hair". How does that sweeten the deal? WTF do I care about touching her stringy blonde oil factory dirt mop chia pet shit stained hair? Then I called her a douchebag and walked away. I should have kicked her in the teeth.


Frank Breaker *Kicking douchebags in the teeth since 2003