Free: punk ass freezie flavors

Last night I was going through my deep freeze looking for something to eat for supper when I came across a bunch of forgotten freezies at the bottom. I need to get rid of them asap - they are taking up precious real estate in my freezer. I don't want to be wasteful by simply throwing them out... they're in great shape but they're the punkass flavors I don't like. Anyone interested? Hopefully someone contacts me and takes them off my hands... I'm also putting them up on craig's list. See image below after the description

Item: Lot of 16 freezies *Edit: as of this afternoon there are 14 (my sister and her friend ate 2)
Brand: Kisco Mr. Freeze
Size: Jumbo
Flavors: Orange (12) and purple (4) *Edit: there are 2 purple left (see above for explanation)
State: frozen and in great shape (still sealed)
Age: Approximately between 1 and 2 years. I never eat the orange or purple freezies so whenever I buy a new box those flavors just sit in my freezer.
Price: Free! All you need to do is pick them up. I'm also willing to trade for white, blue or red... Please let me know if you want them frozen or defrosted.



Crappy mr. freeze flavors
Source(s): My tastebuds.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask!

Frank Breaker

Revenge by spam

I just checked my junk mail folder and found out I have 744 messages in it.
???
How did it get so out of control? It got me curious so I did some investigating (call me lois lane) and eventually got down to the history of the term "spam" in regards to unsolicited e-mail . In the 70's the Monty Python troupe performed a skit about a restaurant where every dish contained spam. It began with a waitress reading the menu to a couple: "There's egg and spam, egg bacon and spam, egg bacon sausage and spam, spam bacon, sausage and spam, spam spam, bacon and spam, spam sausage, tomato and spam..."
A group of vikings sitting in the restaurant began yelling: "SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM!" They were loud so the waitress had to stop and tell them to shutup. This didn't faze the vikings who started singing even louder "Spam spam spam spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam." They were so loud that they completely drowned the waitress out. Fast forward to the 80's... the term spamming was adopted from the skit and used to refer to newsgroup messages that were posted to multiple newsgroups (remember how awesome newsgroups were?). Since most of these were off-topic messages and ads, the term eventually came to be used for unsolicited e-mail as well.

Now back to my problem. WTF is adult friend finder and when did I sign up for it? Why do so many people think I may need to last longer in bed? Who have they been talking to?! And according to all the emails each claiming to be able to extend my poy poy by 2-3 inches conceivably I could construct myself a penis that is over a kilometer long! Interesting...

*Edit: Ok so I found out it's my sister's fault. Apparently she signed me up for adult friend finder using one of my email addresses as revenge for my pranking her with a confetti bomb 2 months ago. For those of you who don't know a confetti bomb is a device that automatically blasts someone with hole punch waste. In this case I hit her with a manual version; I filled her umbrella with a shitload of the stuff. LOL you should've seen the look on her face when she opened it up and got dusted in scrap paper!!!!! Totally worth it.



Frank Breaker

I'M FINALLY BACK!

To celebrate my return please go to the mirror and vote for me/us in the best of montreal 2011 reader's poll. Today is the last day before polls close! Here are the categories I/we would like to be nominated in (just copy/paste my name)

Montrealer Closest to Sainthood: Frank Breaker.
Ok let's face it I haven't really done anything to deserve this title but still it would be nice just to be nominated. Last year I'm sure a few of you voted for me as Montrealer Closest to Hell. Bastards.

Most Desirable Man: Frank Breaker.

Most Desirable Woman: Frank Breaker (just cause).

Best-Dressed Montrealer: Jessie Fever.

Best Blog: This one for christ's sake.

Best Bartender: My girl Stacy K (Tokyo bar). Close second would be Jess D at cafeteria... Oh and I can't forget Deborah C at bluedog (although she doesn't work there anymore she's still cool as ass)

Best Video: Labnoise.

Best Hip Hop Artist: Who else but Bad News Brown (RIP).

Best Musical Act: Paul Cargnello. And my sister's boyfriend's band the Franklin Electric.

Best Local Actor: Frank Breaker.

Best Fishmonger: Frank Breaker (again just cause).

Thankyou for your support. Remember a vote for me is a vote for yourselves!

My name isn't gloriana but you get the drift.

Frank Breaker

Potential winner of the 2011 Artificial Vagina Best/Worst Video of Life Award

2011 Best/Worst Videos of Life contenders started off with a bang this year! First there was the rain city super hero movement followed by the mother of the year and finally mike tyson angry birds. But I tell you today I have seen a video that has shut everything down. This could be this year's winner but I'm not going to crown it too prematurely. Let's wait out 2011 and see what other epic madness comes out.

The rules are the same as always - as usual depending on taste, this might either be the best or worst videos ever committed to film. I present Flynt Flossy from Turquoise Jeep




LOLZZ WITH HIS RIGHT POCKET OUT! HAHAHA WHY?! And there are actually women in the video. Again why? Why would a normal woman be in this? I've seen girls in other Turquoise Jeep videos and have always wondered why? It's not as if these clowns can afford to pay them.

clap clap clap... clap clap snap

Here are the highlights of the clip

- he is dead serious about this video...
- he wears a self promoting t shirt ("Flynt Flossy is my favorite rapper")
- there are girls in the video when there shouldn't be any (no woman in their right mind should be within 50 ft of these dudes)
- his right pocket is out on his tracksuit
- it looks like he has fake facial hair
- 1:38 most epic moonwalk maneuver of all time
- he looks like a murphy brother (charlie and eddie)
- he is dead serious about this video
- his bboy crew are wearing bandannas on their faces so they don't get recognized! BAHAHAHA!!
-2:34 "How you like your eggs? Fried or fertilized?"
- he is dead serious about this video!

All these are reasons why I melted the repeat button this afternoon. I get a little dumber every-time I watch it but it's an itch I need to scratch. At least its better than that Justin Bieber kid...

LOL I really should be working (can you believe the renovations are not finished yet???).

...

Awesomesauce

*Edit: I think I saw this guy on the metro last month.

Frank Breaker

Mona "Shoot The Moon" remix

Shoot The Moon remix by Dave Sitek (of TV on the Radio - this dude is one of my heroes). Anyways the track is crazy good

Franklin Delanoe Breaker

apple killed by apple

I just spilled apple juice on my iphone. How appropriate...

Frank Breaker

Mike Tyson: Angry Birds

Ok some of you know how I think in the past couple years mike tyson has been a phenomenon of epic hilarity. If you haven't see my past tyson posts her's the link to them (tyson posts).

Anyways this video literally made my fall off of my chair. I was on the ground dying of laughter. Fucking tyson lol based on these videos I'm not sure whether to label him hero or lunatic.



I thought he was going to K.O the dude. Bahaha Did the ipad died?

Then there's this



"The Funky Bunch was carrying him all along" BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! I love this dude

Here's the spoof of the king's speech he did on jimmy kimmel live



"TOTALITARIAN!" Hahahaha sir micheal tyson




Iron Frank Breaker

Donald Glover Freaks and Geeks

I'm kind of blown away right now. My cousin sent me the link to Donald Glovers track "Freaks and Geeks" because he knows I think he's jokes. Anyone watch community? If not then shame on you. How about derrick comedy? The movie mystery team was hilarious... In fact this dude's quickly rising up the ranks of my top comedic actors.



LMAOO when yells "in your face!" and punches Pierce in the kidneys hahahaha!! Anyways at one point there was even a movement to have him cast as spiderman in the spiderman reboot movie. That would've been dopeass. It should've happened.



Back to the track. At first I was weary about watching the video (below) cause I expected some parody slash comedy track (I can't stand that shit - exception: flight of the conchords) but low and behold it's serious music and it's straight up pure FIRE!

Check out the video for freaks and geeks

Freaks and Geeks from Donald Glover on Vimeo.

Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 11

Dave: "Stupid kid keeps getting in my way. You know what? I'm going to give him a hug. Maybe then his mom will keep him on the other side..." - This fool said this in a very crowded LAX airport on our way from from a conference in L.A

My dad: "You know your mom behind the wheel of a car is like a fart. Once she's out you don't know who she's going to hit."

My mom: "Has anyone seen the broom?"
My dad: "Why? Are you going somewhere?"
Me: "Bahahahahahaha!"

My mom: "Try to be gone when Mrs Mallette gets here. You're making the room look messy."

Johnny: "She told me she had a headache."
Dave: "You know what a good cure for that is? Sodomy."

My mom (in a text message): "You left your cell phone at our house." - She's sent me this message more than once.

My mom: "What's crackalaking?" - To this day I have still have no clue where she learned this.

Prez (in a text message): "Nice cougar on the metro with thigh high stockings."
Me: "What am I supposed to do with this information? Send a photo."
Prez: "Lolz I can't be taking pictures like that. Use your imagination."
Me: "My imagination??? What am I twelve?"
Prez: ""Well I can't take pics what you want me to do excuse me ma'am don't move while I take you picture of your hindquarters?"
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

My mom: "Why'd you cancel your voicemail?"
Me: "Because people like you leave me way too many messages."
My mom: "Well... now I'm going to text the hell out of your phone."

My mom: "To the window! To the wall!" - This shocked the shit out of us. My sister asked 1) where she learned it from and 2) to never repeat the line again.

Mike: "You know why I eat chicken? Because it's the natural enemy of man."

Johnny: "Jeezo creesto di mierda!!!!!!" - Italian for jesus christ shithead (I'm sure I spelled it wrong but I don't give a shit). Johnny YELLED this after he rested his arm on some sticky shit at provigo a few years ago. It's just the way he yelled it... I'm telling you it was jokes we were all dying of laughter.

Prez (in a text message): "Fucking mechanic young bloods talking shit trying to out jibber jabber each other. Shut the fuck up and do u shit properly am just passing them by to get windshield washer fluid..." - hahahaha the text was sent to me 5 minutes ago.

Frank Breaker

Tell me why...

"colonel" is pronounced "kernel"? It makes no sense I tell you.

Depeche Node

GPS fail: Penis enlargement conspiracy

I'm dying of boredom here. Work sucks. Renovations suck. Florida sucks. Anyways I was looking through my pictures and I came across this forgotten classic. Last summer I went to see my doctor after my parkour accident. He told me I had to get x rays taken at the radiology clinic up the road from his office. Dude asked me if I needed directions - I told him hell no I'll just use the gps on my phone. On my way out of his office I uttered out loud "technology rocks!". As soon as I got in my car I typed in the address of the radiology clinic and started following the directions. I got to the point where I was pretty sure I had to take a right turn and when I double checked my phone I noticed that one of the buildings on the gps said "X 4 labs penis extender". WTF?! HAHAHAHAHAAAA! There's a mcdonald's there! Wait... is it spelled mcdonalds or macdonalds? Whatever I never eat there so fuck them. Anyways the mcdonalds has been there for years! LOLZ I told prez about it and he started rambling on in true prez fashion about the macdonalds being a cover up -

Prez: "That mcdonalds is a shadow proxy dummy corporation masking it's true function of dick extending. Is that why Ronald da clown has a grin on his face like he just plowed 8 hoes in an orgy of violent sex drugs and alchool?!! I could go for an angus bigmac royale with cheese now..."

So what happens when you get your food from that mcdonalds? They give you a bag of dicks.

GPS FAIL



Captain Frank Breaker

Hoodie Fail

Ok I'm burnt. I was up all night trying to get my remote pc software to work and when I finally figured it out I was too wired to sleep. Seriously I'm so tired I don't know if I posted this photo before or not. Fuck it even if it's in the archives I'm posting it again. On to the photo - what is this dude wearing? He looks like an urban care bear. Or yogi bear's sister... Look at the puppy dog intensity in his eyes! He's serious about that sweater.

*Edit - I take it back I feel sorry for him. He looks dead inside...



I think this is the same dude.

How do you explain this on the streets? The only way I would wear something this is if I beat and killed the bear myself



and then fashioned myself a coat from his skin.



Now that's badass!

That first dude needs to man up. If he doesn't want to go my same route and take on a real bear then at least he could ditch the muppet look all together and cop himself a bitchin tron hoodie.



That's right. Chock full of win.

Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 10

My accountant: (on the phone with his son) "Yeah right. You know what? So much bullshit came out of your mouth just now I think your ass got jealous."

My mom: "I think dad has farted in every single pair of pants that he's ever owned."

My mom: "Please tell your sister to stop burning cds she's going to use up all the laser before I get a chance to make one."

My mom: "I just bought my new phone. It's a nokia and it has an ipod in it!"

My mom: "Reusable grocery bags make me feel like I'm a gypsy."

My mom: "It's like those gay bears you used to watch when you were young!" - This took me a while to understand but I finally realized she was talking about the care bears.

Dave: "Dude the special fried rice at U & Me is so damn good today. I bought 2 orders - I swear there's a little asian inside me right now and he's really satisfied."

Me: "Sam was offered a job at that restaurant today. See she told you she'd get it."
My mom: She should take it before they realize they made a mistake."

My mom: "I think I'm going to buy alexandra a gun."
Me: "Mummy what the fuck? Why would you even entertain that thought?"
My mom: "Because I think her neighborhood is unsafe and I don't trust her."
Me: "So you're going to buy someone you don't trust a gun? I think you've officially lost your mind." - Alexandra is my sister and my mom was dead serious about getting her that gun.


My dad: "Parenting moment! Never say anything to piss off the guy at the drive-thru. That's a sure fire way to get your supersized soda topped off with pee."

My mom: "Something's wrong with my cell. Whenever I take it off the charger the battery doesn't last more than 2 days before I have to charge it again! You think I need a new battery?"

My mom: (laughing her ass off) "Hahahaha! Did you like everything santa brought you this year?"
Me: "Funny. Santa's handwriting looks a lot like yours..."
My mom: "Ha! That's because he borrowed my pen!"
Me: "Mummy that wouldn't make your handwriting the same haha!"
My dad: "They also shared the some bottle of wine."

Frank Breaker

My friend's kid brother

This is my friend's kid brother massimo. Dope shit - this kid is going places.

Frank Breaker

Mother of the year

Horrible Mom Strips In Front of Young Son

NothingToxic


This chick is wacked - she put on a goddamn strip show in front of her toddler son. TSK! The boy's first words are most likely gonna be "make it clap". I assume this is her audition tape for the local strip joint... Beautiful! She'll be the only stripper on the planet who accepts cash OR animal crackers for private dances.

Frank Breaker