A.V Alarm Clock

"FUCK!"

Is the first thing I said today when my alarm clock went off. In fact I think that's the first thing I say EVERY day my alarm wakes me up. It's not because I'm too tired or because it's too early - most days I only get up at the crack of noon... it's because the noise of the alarm is jarring. Unfortunately I have to set it to the most annoying tone possible because I'm a heavy sleeper. The only thing that prevents me from bashing my alarm clock to pieces is that it's my cellular telephone...
I don't think alarm clocks were ever meant to be tolerated. The sound of an alarm clock puts my morning off big time. By definition an alarm signifies the occurrence of some undesirable event (ex: Fire alarms, smoke alarms, air raid alarms, burglar alarm, etc). So when I wake up to an alarm the initial sentence that pops in my head during the first few seconds of being "shocked" awake is "what the FUCK is going on?!" Then I snap back to reality mad as hell.

There is one other thing that can wake me up in the morning - a blowjay. I may hate my alarm clock but I love a blowjay. Even the promise of a blowjay is enough to wake me up... this brings me to my new product idea - the Artificial Vagina Alarm Clock.

This product will rock the world. With the Artificial Vagina Alarm Clock you're guaranteed to wake up gently and have a decent day. Even better would be if you can actually convince your girl to give you a real blowjay every morning. But we know that won't happen.

Frank Breaker