the 2011 Artificial Vagina Blog Mother of the Year photo contest

It's time for the 2011 Artificial Vagina Blog Mother of the Year photo contest! Ladies and gentlemen allow us to present last year's submissions.

"When I grow up I want to be like mommy!"

This shit is funny as hell but kind of sad... I mean these chicks are wacked! Titty flaunting and booty popping in front of their kids??? Bahahahaha I bet top dollar the first words out of ANY of these kids mouths is going to be "make it clap". Man alive! Every single one of these kids is going to end up being a warped mother fucker.

Actually come to think of it I remember back in the day when I was like 14 or 15 we had this friend Steve who's moms was a nude model. His pops was a professional photographer and dude's portfolio was chock full of scandalous nekkid pics of her. Steve was annoying as shit but his moms was smoking! The only reason to go over to his spot is cause we all knew that portfolio would eventually make an appearance (and bonus - most times his moms would be home). The fucked up this was Steve didn't see anything wrong with the pictures - dude had grown up believing it was art. Yeah right... Art. Meanwhile his friends were all taking turns in the bathroom with the portfolio studying his mom's "art". Plus his moms would always order pizza for us. BEST HOSTESS EVER. I wonder what happened to steve? Meh. He probably blows dudes for cash now. But I digress... back to the contest! I can just imagine the conversations that take place while these photos are being taken...


Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Hold on baby... Mommy needs to earn her paycheck.



Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Baby you know you don't really have a bright future... Let Mommy show you how to make the real cash. Take notes...



Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Hey! Don't you like what you see? Keep taking pictures.




Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Wait till I'm done. Mommy isn't always gonna be able to drop it like it's hot so she needs to do it now while she still can.



Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Mommy just needs to send a picture to "uncle" rico. While I'm doing this try not to drown.



Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Hold on. Mommy's in heat again! Gotta make this happen. How would you like a baby brother or sister to play with?



Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Hold on baby Mommy needs to get this profile pic on facebook. Okay baby? ... Baby? Shit. Did you died?




Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Shit... Mommy spent all her money on meth today . You'll eat tomorrow. Maybe...


Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Baby just take the picture! This is how I'm going to get your daddy back.



Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Wait! Mommy's trying to learn you something. And this (points to vagina) is where babies come from...



Kid: Mommy I'm hungry.

Mom: Quiet! Mommy needs to earn loot to to get her drink on.



And the winner of the 2011 Artificial Vagina Mother of the Year photo contest is...



Kids: Mommy we're hungry.

Mom: Let's just get this family photo took before child services shows up.



Sigh... this is just proof positive that certain people just shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

Frank Breaker