Potential winner of the 2011 Artificial Vagina Best/Worst Video of Life Award

2011 Best/Worst Videos of Life contenders started off with a bang this year! First there was the rain city super hero movement followed by the mother of the year and finally mike tyson angry birds. But I tell you today I have seen a video that has shut everything down. This could be this year's winner but I'm not going to crown it too prematurely. Let's wait out 2011 and see what other epic madness comes out.

The rules are the same as always - as usual depending on taste, this might either be the best or worst videos ever committed to film. I present Flynt Flossy from Turquoise Jeep




LOLZZ WITH HIS RIGHT POCKET OUT! HAHAHA WHY?! And there are actually women in the video. Again why? Why would a normal woman be in this? I've seen girls in other Turquoise Jeep videos and have always wondered why? It's not as if these clowns can afford to pay them.

clap clap clap... clap clap snap

Here are the highlights of the clip

- he is dead serious about this video...
- he wears a self promoting t shirt ("Flynt Flossy is my favorite rapper")
- there are girls in the video when there shouldn't be any (no woman in their right mind should be within 50 ft of these dudes)
- his right pocket is out on his tracksuit
- it looks like he has fake facial hair
- 1:38 most epic moonwalk maneuver of all time
- he looks like a murphy brother (charlie and eddie)
- he is dead serious about this video
- his bboy crew are wearing bandannas on their faces so they don't get recognized! BAHAHAHA!!
-2:34 "How you like your eggs? Fried or fertilized?"
- he is dead serious about this video!

All these are reasons why I melted the repeat button this afternoon. I get a little dumber every-time I watch it but it's an itch I need to scratch. At least its better than that Justin Bieber kid...

LOL I really should be working (can you believe the renovations are not finished yet???).

...

Awesomesauce

*Edit: I think I saw this guy on the metro last month.

Frank Breaker

Mona "Shoot The Moon" remix

Shoot The Moon remix by Dave Sitek (of TV on the Radio - this dude is one of my heroes). Anyways the track is crazy good

Franklin Delanoe Breaker

apple killed by apple

I just spilled apple juice on my iphone. How appropriate...

Frank Breaker

Mike Tyson: Angry Birds

Ok some of you know how I think in the past couple years mike tyson has been a phenomenon of epic hilarity. If you haven't see my past tyson posts her's the link to them (tyson posts).

Anyways this video literally made my fall off of my chair. I was on the ground dying of laughter. Fucking tyson lol based on these videos I'm not sure whether to label him hero or lunatic.



I thought he was going to K.O the dude. Bahaha Did the ipad died?

Then there's this



"The Funky Bunch was carrying him all along" BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! I love this dude

Here's the spoof of the king's speech he did on jimmy kimmel live



"TOTALITARIAN!" Hahahaha sir micheal tyson




Iron Frank Breaker

Donald Glover Freaks and Geeks

I'm kind of blown away right now. My cousin sent me the link to Donald Glovers track "Freaks and Geeks" because he knows I think he's jokes. Anyone watch community? If not then shame on you. How about derrick comedy? The movie mystery team was hilarious... In fact this dude's quickly rising up the ranks of my top comedic actors.



LMAOO when yells "in your face!" and punches Pierce in the kidneys hahahaha!! Anyways at one point there was even a movement to have him cast as spiderman in the spiderman reboot movie. That would've been dopeass. It should've happened.



Back to the track. At first I was weary about watching the video (below) cause I expected some parody slash comedy track (I can't stand that shit - exception: flight of the conchords) but low and behold it's serious music and it's straight up pure FIRE!

Check out the video for freaks and geeks

Freaks and Geeks from Donald Glover on Vimeo.

Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 11

Dave: "Stupid kid keeps getting in my way. You know what? I'm going to give him a hug. Maybe then his mom will keep him on the other side..." - This fool said this in a very crowded LAX airport on our way from from a conference in L.A

My dad: "You know your mom behind the wheel of a car is like a fart. Once she's out you don't know who she's going to hit."

My mom: "Has anyone seen the broom?"
My dad: "Why? Are you going somewhere?"
Me: "Bahahahahahaha!"

My mom: "Try to be gone when Mrs Mallette gets here. You're making the room look messy."

Johnny: "She told me she had a headache."
Dave: "You know what a good cure for that is? Sodomy."

My mom (in a text message): "You left your cell phone at our house." - She's sent me this message more than once.

My mom: "What's crackalaking?" - To this day I have still have no clue where she learned this.

Prez (in a text message): "Nice cougar on the metro with thigh high stockings."
Me: "What am I supposed to do with this information? Send a photo."
Prez: "Lolz I can't be taking pictures like that. Use your imagination."
Me: "My imagination??? What am I twelve?"
Prez: ""Well I can't take pics what you want me to do excuse me ma'am don't move while I take you picture of your hindquarters?"
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

My mom: "Why'd you cancel your voicemail?"
Me: "Because people like you leave me way too many messages."
My mom: "Well... now I'm going to text the hell out of your phone."

My mom: "To the window! To the wall!" - This shocked the shit out of us. My sister asked 1) where she learned it from and 2) to never repeat the line again.

Mike: "You know why I eat chicken? Because it's the natural enemy of man."

Johnny: "Jeezo creesto di mierda!!!!!!" - Italian for jesus christ shithead (I'm sure I spelled it wrong but I don't give a shit). Johnny YELLED this after he rested his arm on some sticky shit at provigo a few years ago. It's just the way he yelled it... I'm telling you it was jokes we were all dying of laughter.

Prez (in a text message): "Fucking mechanic young bloods talking shit trying to out jibber jabber each other. Shut the fuck up and do u shit properly am just passing them by to get windshield washer fluid..." - hahahaha the text was sent to me 5 minutes ago.

Frank Breaker

Tell me why...

"colonel" is pronounced "kernel"? It makes no sense I tell you.

Depeche Node

GPS fail: Penis enlargement conspiracy

I'm dying of boredom here. Work sucks. Renovations suck. Florida sucks. Anyways I was looking through my pictures and I came across this forgotten classic. Last summer I went to see my doctor after my parkour accident. He told me I had to get x rays taken at the radiology clinic up the road from his office. Dude asked me if I needed directions - I told him hell no I'll just use the gps on my phone. On my way out of his office I uttered out loud "technology rocks!". As soon as I got in my car I typed in the address of the radiology clinic and started following the directions. I got to the point where I was pretty sure I had to take a right turn and when I double checked my phone I noticed that one of the buildings on the gps said "X 4 labs penis extender". WTF?! HAHAHAHAHAAAA! There's a mcdonald's there! Wait... is it spelled mcdonalds or macdonalds? Whatever I never eat there so fuck them. Anyways the mcdonalds has been there for years! LOLZ I told prez about it and he started rambling on in true prez fashion about the macdonalds being a cover up -

Prez: "That mcdonalds is a shadow proxy dummy corporation masking it's true function of dick extending. Is that why Ronald da clown has a grin on his face like he just plowed 8 hoes in an orgy of violent sex drugs and alchool?!! I could go for an angus bigmac royale with cheese now..."

So what happens when you get your food from that mcdonalds? They give you a bag of dicks.

GPS FAIL



Captain Frank Breaker

Hoodie Fail

Ok I'm burnt. I was up all night trying to get my remote pc software to work and when I finally figured it out I was too wired to sleep. Seriously I'm so tired I don't know if I posted this photo before or not. Fuck it even if it's in the archives I'm posting it again. On to the photo - what is this dude wearing? He looks like an urban care bear. Or yogi bear's sister... Look at the puppy dog intensity in his eyes! He's serious about that sweater.

*Edit - I take it back I feel sorry for him. He looks dead inside...



I think this is the same dude.

How do you explain this on the streets? The only way I would wear something this is if I beat and killed the bear myself



and then fashioned myself a coat from his skin.



Now that's badass!

That first dude needs to man up. If he doesn't want to go my same route and take on a real bear then at least he could ditch the muppet look all together and cop himself a bitchin tron hoodie.



That's right. Chock full of win.

Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 10

My accountant: (on the phone with his son) "Yeah right. You know what? So much bullshit came out of your mouth just now I think your ass got jealous."

My mom: "I think dad has farted in every single pair of pants that he's ever owned."

My mom: "Please tell your sister to stop burning cds she's going to use up all the laser before I get a chance to make one."

My mom: "I just bought my new phone. It's a nokia and it has an ipod in it!"

My mom: "Reusable grocery bags make me feel like I'm a gypsy."

My mom: "It's like those gay bears you used to watch when you were young!" - This took me a while to understand but I finally realized she was talking about the care bears.

Dave: "Dude the special fried rice at U & Me is so damn good today. I bought 2 orders - I swear there's a little asian inside me right now and he's really satisfied."

Me: "Sam was offered a job at that restaurant today. See she told you she'd get it."
My mom: She should take it before they realize they made a mistake."

My mom: "I think I'm going to buy alexandra a gun."
Me: "Mummy what the fuck? Why would you even entertain that thought?"
My mom: "Because I think her neighborhood is unsafe and I don't trust her."
Me: "So you're going to buy someone you don't trust a gun? I think you've officially lost your mind." - Alexandra is my sister and my mom was dead serious about getting her that gun.


My dad: "Parenting moment! Never say anything to piss off the guy at the drive-thru. That's a sure fire way to get your supersized soda topped off with pee."

My mom: "Something's wrong with my cell. Whenever I take it off the charger the battery doesn't last more than 2 days before I have to charge it again! You think I need a new battery?"

My mom: (laughing her ass off) "Hahahaha! Did you like everything santa brought you this year?"
Me: "Funny. Santa's handwriting looks a lot like yours..."
My mom: "Ha! That's because he borrowed my pen!"
Me: "Mummy that wouldn't make your handwriting the same haha!"
My dad: "They also shared the some bottle of wine."

Frank Breaker