Potential winner of the 2010 Artificial Vagina Worst Video of Life Award

This disaster was in my inbox this morning...



HAHAHAHA I'm dying over here this has to be one of the most ridiculous videos I have seen this year!

“Man, forget going to club to meet something new. When I wanna meet something new, I go get me a basket and I go walk around Walmart. All the women be in Walmart, you heard me.” – Mr. Ghetto

Really??? How did this madness even come to be??? I mean where the hell are the employees? Is this an average day of shopping in the south??? Booty shorts wearing barefoot hookers popping their asses and junk all over the pharmacy and junior miss clothing sections? I'm pretty sure if this happened here the whole crew would get carted off to jail quickfast...

"She in that lingerie section, lingerie!

She in that lingerie section, lingerie!

She in that lingerie section, ugh!

She in that lingerie section!"

Those booty shorts probably stink. They should've tossed some feminine hygiene products in the cart while they were ass popping in the pharmacy. LOL this gives a whole new meaning to "roll back"!

For real this is some ignorant shit. I'm shopping at zellers from now on.

Frank Breaker

*Edit: Word to the wise - if anything this video is proof positive you need to remember to disinfect your shopping carts folks.

Calling all inventors

Calling all inventors! I need you to build me a machine that lets me punch people through the internet. Thanks in advance.

Frank Breaker

Worlds best son

Some of you may remember the quote I posted from my mom saying "This christmas the only presents I want are pictures of all of you for my photo albums ok? The gifts I normally get are useless..." Well 2 weeks ago I took her request up to 88mph and made her a t-shirt with a massive print of my dumb face in harry caray glasses. At the bottom I printed "worlds best son" (my mom would beg to differ so the statement is of course self proclaimed). I gave it to her as an early xmas present! Its jokes - she wore it the other day and told her friends she doesnt endorse the claim. Haha what a jerk

Frank Breaker

Internet win!

This guy is so epic when he cuts himself shaving win pours out of the wound. He could kill you with a giant yoyo!



Train me mr myagi! Man I wish I could do nonsensical acrobatic shit like this. I would ninja the fuck out of everybody who pissed me off.
Edit* @ finger noel - before you get any ideas in your head know the reason I say mr myagi isnt because this guy is asian but because hes a martial artist. So cool your japanese jets before you get ninja'd. Yep you read it right - Im now in training.

Frank Breaker

Whos in the house?

This everyday normal chick went to the dentist to get her wisdom teeth taken out and this video was recorded while she was still under general anesthetic. Her sister upped it to youtube and it went viral! So the formula seems to be video + drugs + tripping balls = instant internet micro celebrity. Jokes



Frank Breaker (in the house!)

My moms a crook

JESUS CHRIST I just found out my mom borrowed money off a loan shark to save her business in the 80s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shes talking with her accountant right now and she keeps saying "remember when we had to borrow money off of that dentist?". HAHAHA she keeps tossing up air quotes whenever she says "dentist"! From what I gather the transaction took place between her accountant and the "dentist" - he just showed up one day with a bag full of cash and gave it to my parents at 25% interest. Im in fucking shock right now!

A GODDAMN LOANSHARK! My mom! She always passed herself off as a halo wearing virtuous do gooder... Its actually a relief to find out shes a crook just like the rest of the family. Shes like the mom in the goonies! Mama fratelli!

Frank Breaker

"Excuse me sir but that R2 unit is in prime condition! A real bargain."

HOW BADASS IS THIS?! This photo was sent to me from the artificial vagina tokyo branch (I didnt even know we had a branch in tokyo). Anyways I want one! Sigh... between this and the star trek doors my xmas is going to be soooo expensive this year...

Darth Breaker

Back in the day part 1

This is a new segment on the artificial vagina called "back in the day" and its worthy of a late night post. You know what I just thought about? Anyone remember their backyard swing set from back in the day? The one your dad put up when you were a kid? Remember how the bastard didnt use any concrete whatsoever to reinforce the legs?! Just dug 4 holes and stuck the swingset in... Then a couple years later youre significantly taller and chunkier and you go for a "swing". You decide to swing with the power of the gods and all of a sudden the fucking swing set legs come out of the ground and youre staring death in the face! Yeah. I remember that shit. Thanks pop.

Frank Breaker

I want this for my bathroom - star trek door

Im counting all the doors in my apartment right now...

Frank Breaker

Beautiful & Very Sunny 3 1/2 = FAIL

Beautiful apartment, very sunny, top floor (3rd) of quiet, clean building. 1 closed bedroom, living room, bathroom, kitchen with fridge and stove, large picture windows, hardwood floors. Heat and hot water included. Hydro approx. $25/mo. Laundry and storage space in the building, garage and plenty of exterior parking. Located on quiet, tree-lined street in pleasant area. Easily accessible to highways 15 and 40, on bus line 124. Metro Plamondon by bus in 7 minutes, Metro Namur in walking distance, near University of Montreal. Close to all services

Saw this ad on craigslist the other day. They conveniently neglect to mention the beautiful and very sunny cemetery in back (see the second photograph)...

Apartment rental fail

Frank Breaker (Im actually thinking I want to rent this place)

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 8 My Mom

My mom: (talking about my dads birthday dinner 4 years ago)

My mom: "You know dad wants to have his birthday at amirs restaurant?"
Me: "I dont know about that I dont feel like lebanese food tonight."
My mom: "Amirs is a lebanese restaurant? Ive never had lebanese food. Haha what is it like fried dirt? See Im funny sometimes!"

My mom: (referring to a record she was about to play)

My sister: "What are you playing?"
My mom: "Im playing minding my own business."

My mom: (referring to lemon wedges she had cut for caesar salad at her bbq) "Can you believe my son wants me to throw out these lemon wedges because I got a little blood from the steaks on them? Thats crazy talk."

My mom: "This christmas the only presents I want are pictures of all of you for my photo albums ok? The gifts I normally get are useless..."

Frank Breaker