Black Stormtrooper - PYAOWWW! (blaster noise)

Im fucking dying over here this is pure jokes hahahahahahahaaaaaa! The clip has 81000 views so far I'll bet most of them are from me melting the replay button. This has been the best 2 minutes of my week... internet win all around.

Black stormtrooper: "Looky here man. That depends on how much MONAY you got" HAHA!

Courtesy of Donald Faison



"Break (pyaow) Yo (pyaow) Self! (pyaow) " HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Darth Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 7 My Mom

My mom: (to some woman at her lawyers office)

My mom: "How many months pregnant are you?"
Random woman: "Im not."
My mom: "..."

My mom: (making small talk at a dealership while waiting for her car to be repaired)

My mom: "When are you due?"
Random woman: "Oh Im not pregnant haha this is just fat!"
My mom: "So sorry!"

My mom: (to some woman at the daycare)

My mom: "Oh so joshuas going to have a little brother or sister to play with soon!"
Woman: "Im not pregnant."
My mom: "Well. Thats too bad."

My mom: (reaching to touch M's stomach)

My mom: "Are you?"
M: "No Im not pregnant..."
My mom: "Oh."
M: (trying to laugh it off) "I quit smoking so Ive gained some weight. Im so embarrassed haha!"

Sigh... Youd think she wouldve learned not to say anything by now.

Frankie Beans

*edit - I love "M". Shes funny as shit and down to earth... See she couldve been upset about what my moms said but she laughed it off. Wicked.

Freak your sneaks

This is for all the sneakerheads out there - Heres my boy PrezOne doing his thing at the Show Off Your Shoes event! Using pure brawn PrezOne has crafted 2 unique sets of deluxe interchangeable lace locks. 1st set Fresh/Dope 2nd set Real/City! Alternate between both sets to create sick combos like Fresh/Dope, Fresh/City, Real/Fresh, Real/Dope, Real/City... quantities are limited if you want to mint your kicks yall better get them fresh off the anvil!

prez one blogspot

Frankie Beans

Mega Piranha

What is this? What am I seeing?!



WOW

Schmitty

Awesome quotes overheard in random places

I like to eavesdrop. Sometimes I hear the funniest random shit... I now present a new artificial vagina blog segment called "Awesome quotes overheard in random places"
Randon guy: (On his cell phone) "They really want me to stay. Im going to ask them to, like, install a door on my cubicle. I'll finally have an office!" Overheard at daycare

Random chick: "He wanted to do anal. I was like okaaaay... lets do it." Overheard at outside Tokyo bar

Random chick: (referring to 3 amigos restaurant) "Only koreans have birthday parties in there." Overheard outside 3 amigos restaurant

Schmitty

Ultra soccer fail

If I were this guy Id just quit everything and stay home for a couple years.



Schmitty

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 6

J: (referring to a tv show where one of the characters says 'holy jesus on a stick') "Shutup! Jesus wouldnt be caught dead on a stick." - I swear she said this shit TO THE TV with a straight face. Shes so stupid hahahaha

My uncle: (referring to how stupid j is) "I dont know why I bother talking with her. Its like having a conversation with a rock."

Dave: (referring to the guys staying next to us in our hotel in L.A) "Why can't the guys next door who arent wearing shirts be chicks?"

Dave: "If I was a chick Id be the biggest lesbian of all time. And Id fuck all the dudes who dont get any. Just cause.

Dave: "I like my women how I like my filesystems - FAT and 16."

Dave:

Dave: "Im so sick Im not coming to school tomorrow. Im coughing up shit that isnt even mine."
Frank Breaker: "Next time dont swallow."

Dave: "Sex with asians is good bro. Im sure it feels the same as sexing an alien."

Johnny: (to dave) "Bro less porn, more chicks. Ok?"

Larry: (referring to a shirt tarik wore too often) "Dude youve been wearing that shirt since... well since ever."

David S: (SHITHEAD GUN NUT referring to hunting with his grandfather)

David S: "Why dont you come hunting with us next weekend?"
Frank Breaker: "Yeah no. Its not for me."
David S: "My grandfather always says all good christian men know how to shoot guns. And they go to church."
Frank Breaker: "So why dont you kill two birds with one stone and shoot guns in church?"

Virginia: (in excel class) "Gummy bears will do anything to avoid getting eaten. I just found one in the printer."

Schmitty

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 5

Thierry: (in grade 10 regarding a thin girl one of our friends was dating) "I have zero interest in that boneshack." - HAHA I still use "boneshack" to this day.

Larry: (regarding skinny james, a ex junkie friend of ours - BIZ you know who Im talking about)

Larry: "I think skinny james just shot heroin up in my bathroom!"
Frank Breaker: "Oh shit. What would you do if he ever overdosed at your place?"
Larry: "Id put him in a hockey bag and leave him on the boulevard"

My accountant: "A parent is only as good as their stupidest kid. If one my kids becomes a neurophysicist and the other gets robbed by a hooker Ive failed."

Biz: "Its/that sounds better on paper." - If you really want to piss people off say this to any idea/suggestion you dont like.

Schmitty

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 4

Schmitty: "Its all true. How do I know? Im from the internet."

Johnny: "I said yes but I didnt mean to. When you have a hard on theres a whole new government in power."

Tarik: "I like russian girls because theyre easy to impress. You can give one a pair of socks and she'll stay with you for a week. She'll be like (in a russian accent) 'you are good provider'."

Schmitty

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 3

Miguelo: (engrossed in a multiplayer game of halo we were playing)

Frank Breaker: "Dude you see him? Hes going for our flag!"
Miguelo: (after shooting the player) "Stabilized."

Johnny: "I like to use the handicap stall when I drop a deuce. You know the massive handle on the side of the toilet? I use it for torque."

My mom: (to one of my sisters) "Money doesnt grow on trees asshole."

My mom: "Remember that song kiss is on my list by holland oats?" BAHAHAAAA she thought hall and oates was one guy named holland!

Mark: "What in gods worth is going on?!"

Prez: "There goes schmitty again losing it."

Finger (in conversation with a bartender we know named chantal)

Chantal: "What can I get you?"
Finger: "Two gin and tonics."

After 5 minutes chantal comes back without the drinks and approaches another customer

Chantal: "Adam you want a shot?"
Finger: "Ill give you a shot. A shot in the face if you dont hurry up with my drinks!"

My mom: "Thats what she said." HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Schmitty

Wife carrying competition

WTF wife carrying is a sport?! HAHAHAA basically you race through an obstacle course carrying your wife on your back. The "wife" doesnt necessarily need to be married to you but she must be over 17 years old and weigh 108 lbs and up. The prize for the winners? The wife’s weight in beer, a bag full of wife carrying products(???), a statue with a wife carrying motif, and of course, worldwide fame... I almost shit myself when the racer almost drowned his wife in beginning of the video.



Schmitty

City hall station the secret subway stop

This is why I like NY there are so many forgotten spots like this

Hidden deep under new york city is a "secret" subway stop. The city hall station opened in 1904 but has been out of use since 1945. It can still be seen by riders ... if they know how to get there. The station is still used as a turning loop for 6 trains - until recently all passengers had to leave the train at the brooklyn bridge stop but now you can stay on the train and see the station as the train turns around.

The reason for its closing? Its curved tracks. New subway cars were introduced in 1945 with doors in the middle of the train. As a result when the doors would open there would be too much of a gap between the exit point of the train and the platform. There were plans to turn the stop into a transit museum but security concerns put the kaibosh on the idea. Now the only way to see it is from the train.

Fucking wicked.

Schmitty (Frank Breaker)

The most epic sport I have ever seen in my lifetime

Gents allow me to present Hurling - the fastest game played on grass. Its an irish sport that seems to be a mix of soccer, football, hockey, mental instability and crazy shit your pants speed. HOW INSANE IS THIS?! The game is played with a stick that looks like a goddamn axe! You use your "axe" to hit a small ball into a net for 3 points or through football type uprights that extend above the nets for 1 point. Watch the video - these lunatics swing their "axes" so close to each others heads theyre in danger of decapitating one another. Apparently irish immigrants have attempted to set up hurling leagues in other countries with no success. I guess everyone else is too scared and/or mentally stable to play.

Notice how the only protective gear worn is an occasional helmet here and there?! I seriously question their sanity. The irish are fucking madmen...
On second thought theyre fucking heroes. I like what I see.

Im in.



Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 2

Round 2

Biz: (referring to a stupid comment made by a friend about a pretty woman with cellulite) - "Most women have cellulite dummy thats where the realness is" BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

My mom: "Hes as happy as a pig in shit" (I still dont understand this one)

My dad: "Itll put hair on your chest" - HAHA he said this to my mom once!

Frank Breaker: (referring to a short bastard of life cashier at canadian tire) - "They should shave her bald paint her green and put her on a spaceship back to her asshole planet"

Frank Breaker

Awesome quotes from friends and acquaintances: part 1

Sometimes my friends say wicked funny shit that needs to be immortalized...

Jessie Fever: "I went from technopheliac to luddite in 60 seconds"

Finger Noel: "Im not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings"

Jon M: (referring to the zombie apocalypse) - "Thats when real is real! Youd better know whats up"

Jon M: (referring to having to pay a reconnection fee after his electricity was cut because of his landlord) - "Why should I pay for other peoples fuckery?"

Biz: (referring to a friend who offered us jamaican patties and gave us semi frozen pizza pockets instead) - "Wow! What a BWB (black white guy)"

Biz: (referring 2 of our homies, prez and finger who both want to try the kfc 'double down" sandwich) - "Bets on who gets angina first: odds are finger, 3 - 1 prez, 3.5 - 1 so far..."

Prez: (referring to bizs comment about the kfc "double down" and angina) - "I aint afraid of the reaper! I look the beast of babylon in the eye and war cry LETS GO!"

Frank Breaker: "She looks like a horse and a foot had a kid. Thats old school ugly."

Frank Breaker